It's two weeks away and I'm already emotional about Cameron starting Kindergarten. It just feels like the end of an era. The mornings of playing football, building train tracks around the house, and mocking Morton on Mario Kart are going to be whittled down to an unacceptable amount. Cam and I took a father son day this past week where we dominated the pre-school haunts of northern Austin. The day is winding down and we are sitting on the steps of a pool talking about what we are going to grab for dinner on the way home. Cam looks at me in all earnestness and says "I just don't want this day to end." And that's exactly how I feel too. That's how I feel about this Kindergarten thing. It's an ending that we can't avoid. I look at my already too independent son and know that these days will soon be a memory. Never in my life will I know another person the way I knew pre-school Cam. I know the way that dude thinks. And I know in days to come he is going to stop sharing all those thoughts with me. And it makes me overwhelmingly sad. I am positive I will miss these days.
Cam did a soccer camp this past week at the YMCA. Whenever I drop him off at stuff like this I am struck by how little he is. And how brave he is. Cam has always been a pretty anxious and careful kid. And he's never taken separation / goodbyes easily. So I can see the stress in him as he walks into camp. He used to put his hands in his mouth and freeze. Now he takes a big breath and puts his hands on his hips, like a nervous super-hero in an oversized backpack. And he walks straight into this world of chaos by himself. On the first day of camp there is a wrist-band mishap, and he ends up playing volleyball with 9 to 16 year-olds. That night he is giddy. He was befriended by some 12-year-old girls who tell him "he is there new best friend." He said that he looked for them at lunch and couldn't find them. But he "likes sitting by himself." He also has a bag of chips with him, still sealed, that they were given that day. He says that he wasn't able to open it and the counselors told them they needed to do it on their own. I learned that volleyball coaches are hard core about independence in snack consumption.
Cam actually made it to soccer the following day and again comes home super excited. He gleefully told Mindy that he has a surprise for her; he has "found" something at camp. With a big smile on his face he reaches into his backpack and pulls out... red boxer shorts. My son has stolen someone else's underwear and is super fired up about it. He paints himself as more of a scavenger than thief, saying that he found them by his clothes at the swimming pool. But I'm not ruling out the origins of a fetish. And one can only imagine the conversation happening at home from the other side of this transaction. Better to come home with options in the underwear department than none at all.
He took Wednesday off from camp for the father-son day and there are two important things to note here. First, Cameron has basically mastered the game of golf. And when I say mastered, I mean he has already learned how to take an inordinate amount of time to line up his shot, throw his club across the course, threaten to quit while he just keeps playing, conduct dubiously favorable score keeping, and celebrate like a mad-man when he gets a hole in one. There must be something about golf that just intrinsically elicits all of this. There really is no other way to play. Second, even one day of hanging around with pre-teen girls makes you work the phrase "oh my god" into every other sentence. It was like playing putt-putt with the plastics from Mean Girls.
The next two days Cam finished out soccer camp. Friday after camp, Mindy notices another foreign item in his back pack. She cautiously reaches in and pulls out... a medal engraved with "Camper of the Week." Apparently the Y selects one camp member whom they feel has really stood out in a positive way. From the hundreds of kids at this camp they selected our little five year old. I think they made an excellent choice. I know that Cam is a special kid, but most every parent feels that way about their kids. It really makes me so proud and happy that on that day somebody else saw something special in him. I don't know if it was the dual sport talent, the spotty attendance, or the humility displayed by returning dirty stolen boxers; but something stood out. And I guess in all this is the good and the bad of him starting school. However hard it is to say goodbye to these days and let-go some of our control, I'm so excited to see who he is going to become. I'm excited to see how he evolves under the guidance of other people who will provide so many different experiences and perspectives. I think that Cameron is going to flourish out there. So watch out world and keep an eye on your underwear, because Cameron Graves is stepping out.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
If you say it, I will blog it...
Sometimes your children can provide you with a clear glimpse of how you are seen by others. I listen to my eldest son chastise his pretend friend "Kiko" on the "phone" about the horrible fantasy football offers he is receiving and I can't help but realize just how cool I really am. It melts my heart to hear him negotiate with such a firm, yet inviting, tone. Kiko has no chance. Nor does his younger brother. Cam has already mastered the art of deniable aggression. The amount of "accidental" toddler assault that occurs in our house is impressive. It's like watching Blake Griffin roam the court of Staples Center. There is a lot of bulling over people accompanied by a blank facial expression. But, if his intentions are questioned, this expression seamlessly morphs into a mix of confusion and outrage. My favorite response from Cam though is when he tries to explain why he just spiked his brother to the floor by stating, "I was just curious what would happened." After all, who would fault such a sweet young man in his sincere quest for knowledge. He cracks me up. Although, I'm not going to lie, sometimes his words can sting. He has a way of trash talking that cuts straight to your core. Let me give you my 3 favorites of recent memory.
1. In a conversation about both of our upcoming birthdays, I ask him if he would rather be turning 5 or 35. Cam: "5, because I'm skinner." Boom.
2. While coloring with Cam, he comments that I am better at staying between the lines than he is. Me: "Well, I'm a grown up so I've had more practice." Cam: "Oh yeah, well you're going to die first." Later that night I made sure to go through his texts with Kiko to make sure he doesn't have any assassination plans.
3. At bedtime one evening Mindy asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Cam: "A new daddy." Dude! WTF? How does one respond to this? I took a page out of his playbook. I pretended I did not hear it and "accidentally" hip-checked him off of the bed. How you be feeling about that weight differential now?!?!
Sometimes I'm thankful that Carter can't speak. Like all great Grave's men he is somewhat delayed in the speech department, so Mindy has been taking him to speech therapy a couple of times a week. But I think she is wrong to be encouraging him. I don't need two of these tiny tyrants ganging up on me. Carter already torments me with his limited sounds. He almost always makes a distinct grunting noise as he is emptying his bowels. That's actually quite nice because it let's us know when he needs to be changed. The issue arises when he replicates this noise while you are changing his diaper and then laughs hysterically at your reaction. Verrrry funny Carter. It's not fun being punked by a 1-year-old.
In other news: Our household is becoming quite accomplished at Mario Kart. Cam just celebrated his 5th birthday in Ninja Warrior Style. Carter is following in his brother's footsteps with his disdain for gym childcare. We are looking forward to a fun spring and summer of getaways - including our annual pilgrimage to So-Cal for the 4th of July. And life (at least the short amount I apparently have left) is good.
Because I said so,
Father
1. In a conversation about both of our upcoming birthdays, I ask him if he would rather be turning 5 or 35. Cam: "5, because I'm skinner." Boom.
2. While coloring with Cam, he comments that I am better at staying between the lines than he is. Me: "Well, I'm a grown up so I've had more practice." Cam: "Oh yeah, well you're going to die first." Later that night I made sure to go through his texts with Kiko to make sure he doesn't have any assassination plans.
3. At bedtime one evening Mindy asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Cam: "A new daddy." Dude! WTF? How does one respond to this? I took a page out of his playbook. I pretended I did not hear it and "accidentally" hip-checked him off of the bed. How you be feeling about that weight differential now?!?!
Sometimes I'm thankful that Carter can't speak. Like all great Grave's men he is somewhat delayed in the speech department, so Mindy has been taking him to speech therapy a couple of times a week. But I think she is wrong to be encouraging him. I don't need two of these tiny tyrants ganging up on me. Carter already torments me with his limited sounds. He almost always makes a distinct grunting noise as he is emptying his bowels. That's actually quite nice because it let's us know when he needs to be changed. The issue arises when he replicates this noise while you are changing his diaper and then laughs hysterically at your reaction. Verrrry funny Carter. It's not fun being punked by a 1-year-old.
In other news: Our household is becoming quite accomplished at Mario Kart. Cam just celebrated his 5th birthday in Ninja Warrior Style. Carter is following in his brother's footsteps with his disdain for gym childcare. We are looking forward to a fun spring and summer of getaways - including our annual pilgrimage to So-Cal for the 4th of July. And life (at least the short amount I apparently have left) is good.
Because I said so,
Father
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
National Graves' Vacation
Let's get right to it. I'll supply you with a word or concept and then fill you in on every thing I've learned about that this summer.
Arkansas: Bill Clinton is a big deal here. People here are so obsessed with merging before a lane closure that it's like having your own 4 mile express lane if you choose to drive like a rational human being. However, the locals do not look kindly on this kind of rational thinking and making the choice to do so may put your life in danger. On another note, this state does not supply their public restrooms with toilet paper.
Best Western Hotels: This establishment sometimes decides to merge its breakfast dining area with a Jacuzzi super store. Using the spa to re-heat your entrée is frowned upon.
Dodger Stadium: Does not condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages in their parking lot. And my powers of speech / self-confidence automatically revert to that of a 13-year-old when I am approached by a bike cop.
Chris Harrison: Throws employees off balconies in fits of power-hungry rage after people have the audacity to refer to him as "just a host."
Mindy Graves: Turns 35 tomorrow. In honor of this event, she has trained our eldest son to refer to her as a "young lady." She is a beautiful young lady. She is obsessed with souvenir magnets and the magnetic attraction between Andi and Josh. She makes pretty much everything in my world better (possible exceptions include my pride in regard to trivia games and my enjoyment of Wes Anderson films).
Billboards in the South: Are awesome. This is a coffee table book waiting to happen. These were the three favorite I remember from our trip. 1) "Human Trafficking is NOT ok." Actually helpful, because I was torn on this issue before I saw the sign. 2) "Use the rod - save your child's life." Our children did not like this one as much. 3) An advertisement for Truck stop / Indian food that stood next to a burnt down building. I wouldn't have thought that those two things would mix well, now I know that they don't.
Southern Californians: Should be required to spend at least one summer day in Atlanta each year before whining about the temperature outside.
Cameron Graves: Is not lacking for self esteem. This week he expressed that he is "the best soccer player of all times" and "never makes mistakes because I am perfect." He is also constantly fine-tuning a comedy routine centered around the word "booty." Mindy does not appreciate his act so much, but I think she's missing the subtly of his genius. My hope is that with the right encouragement he will continue to practice this material on Mindy non-stop until he is the greatest comedian of all times.
Carter Graves: I am often amazed at his ability to know what he wants in life and communicate that so clearly. And he accomplishes this with a vocabulary of 3 words. I have thousands of words at my disposal and struggle with this daily. It should also be noted that Carter is at a stage of adorableness that words cannot describe.
Family: We are blessed with such a generous and loving extended family. I am very thankful that we got to spend time together this summer and look forward to many more summer vacations around the USA.
Mississippi: After our stay at the Motel 6 in Meridian, I was ready to crown it as the worst state in the union. But then I remembered my three days of gambling and pool-hopping in Biloxi, I remembered how the sweet waters of the gulf coast can make a man come alive, I remembered chanting the name of that black jack dealer on the $5 table and drunkenly falling asleep by myself at our hotel diner... and I hate myself for even thinking about putting it in the bottom three. So, you're welcome Arkansas. The honor is still yours.
No, we are not there yet,
Father
Arkansas: Bill Clinton is a big deal here. People here are so obsessed with merging before a lane closure that it's like having your own 4 mile express lane if you choose to drive like a rational human being. However, the locals do not look kindly on this kind of rational thinking and making the choice to do so may put your life in danger. On another note, this state does not supply their public restrooms with toilet paper.
Best Western Hotels: This establishment sometimes decides to merge its breakfast dining area with a Jacuzzi super store. Using the spa to re-heat your entrée is frowned upon.
Dodger Stadium: Does not condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages in their parking lot. And my powers of speech / self-confidence automatically revert to that of a 13-year-old when I am approached by a bike cop.
Chris Harrison: Throws employees off balconies in fits of power-hungry rage after people have the audacity to refer to him as "just a host."
Mindy Graves: Turns 35 tomorrow. In honor of this event, she has trained our eldest son to refer to her as a "young lady." She is a beautiful young lady. She is obsessed with souvenir magnets and the magnetic attraction between Andi and Josh. She makes pretty much everything in my world better (possible exceptions include my pride in regard to trivia games and my enjoyment of Wes Anderson films).
Billboards in the South: Are awesome. This is a coffee table book waiting to happen. These were the three favorite I remember from our trip. 1) "Human Trafficking is NOT ok." Actually helpful, because I was torn on this issue before I saw the sign. 2) "Use the rod - save your child's life." Our children did not like this one as much. 3) An advertisement for Truck stop / Indian food that stood next to a burnt down building. I wouldn't have thought that those two things would mix well, now I know that they don't.
Southern Californians: Should be required to spend at least one summer day in Atlanta each year before whining about the temperature outside.
Cameron Graves: Is not lacking for self esteem. This week he expressed that he is "the best soccer player of all times" and "never makes mistakes because I am perfect." He is also constantly fine-tuning a comedy routine centered around the word "booty." Mindy does not appreciate his act so much, but I think she's missing the subtly of his genius. My hope is that with the right encouragement he will continue to practice this material on Mindy non-stop until he is the greatest comedian of all times.
Carter Graves: I am often amazed at his ability to know what he wants in life and communicate that so clearly. And he accomplishes this with a vocabulary of 3 words. I have thousands of words at my disposal and struggle with this daily. It should also be noted that Carter is at a stage of adorableness that words cannot describe.
Family: We are blessed with such a generous and loving extended family. I am very thankful that we got to spend time together this summer and look forward to many more summer vacations around the USA.
Mississippi: After our stay at the Motel 6 in Meridian, I was ready to crown it as the worst state in the union. But then I remembered my three days of gambling and pool-hopping in Biloxi, I remembered how the sweet waters of the gulf coast can make a man come alive, I remembered chanting the name of that black jack dealer on the $5 table and drunkenly falling asleep by myself at our hotel diner... and I hate myself for even thinking about putting it in the bottom three. So, you're welcome Arkansas. The honor is still yours.
No, we are not there yet,
Father
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
In Love and Basketball
I have this fatherhood thing on lock. It's simple. All you need is a strong combination of classical condition and strategic withholding of fatherly love to really mold a child into something special. I have no idea if Cameron is going to grow up to be "happy" or a "productive member of society," but I do know that he is of great amusement to me. Allow me to run through a typical day in the life of Cameron Graves. He starts off the morning with a game of NBA 2K 2014 on the IPAD. He typically likes to be the Lakers or the Thunder. He tirelessly feeds the ball to Kobe or KD, respectively. I have found that his choice between the two is correlated with his mood for the day. Kobe days are tough for everyone. But sometimes he likes to be the Heat, so he can play with their power forward "Squish Squash" or their point guard "Mario Chompers." What he lacks in auditory processing, he makes up for in cuteness. When Ipad time is over, it's time for the real basketball to begin. No exaggeration, he probably plays multiple hours of basketball a day. We play one-on-one where he makes up which teams we are. We play 2 on 0, where he is always Tony Parker and I'm Tim "Pumpkin." He always keeps score. He plays by himself. He makes up drills that he does over and over. After he pretends to get fouled, he lets you know the status of the personal fouls and team fouls before taking his foul shots. He cannot pronounce personal. No matter where he is in the house he senses if his little brother has the ball in his hands and comes sprinting to take it away. His brother is usually casted as Tiago Splitter. He is very passive aggressive. Somewhere between all this basketball he does other things. Those things are not important. In the evenings we watch the NBA playoffs. He only roots for the team that is winning. But he won't cheer against the Thunder or Spurs. I regale him with stories of Laker greatness. I search for classic Laker victories on NBA TV. I can only hope I'm doing enough. At bed time we read a children's story about Chris Paul's childhood. I make up a sequel about how an evil troll named David Stern kidnapped Chris Paul from the Lakers. We curse David Stern and Blake Griffin until sleep over takes him. We all hope tomorrow will be a KD day...
Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away with that rant. But, like 90% of that is true. He's super into basketball right now and it's really fun. I don't know how to break the news to him that he's probably going to be 5'9'' and that could, possibly, hinder his long term success. Instead, we signed him up for tennis lessons this summer.
Another really funny thing is hearing Cam re-tell the religious stories he learns at school. Christianity by Cam is hilarious. My favorite was the time he told us about how "Jesus was in the doghouse until his friend Smokey J told him to come out." After some digging, it's possible he was recounting the story of Lazarus. But, I like to believe that Smokey J is the gangster nickname Jesus had for James. My second favorite is when I was talking to Cam about somebody named Jose. Cam proceeded to tell me tabout how all the people in the bible "threw there jackets in the mud and shouted Jose, Jose." I'll let you figure that one out.
Onto the younger child. He is adorable right now. He is a smiling, waiving, peek-a-boo playing little ball of perfection. And that dude loves to push himself to the limits of his physical abilities. He wants to climb everything he can get to. One of his favorite past-times is to climb on top of (insert noun here), stand up, and look at you with delight. If you turn your back on him for 10 seconds he will be standing on top of his riding fire truck like he's about to go surfing. There may or may not be multiple home videos of him accomplishing such feats and.... then falling really hard on the floor. I guess that is what movie editing software is for. Based on his combination of attractiveness and affinity for stage-like platforms, I'm predicting he is going to be runway model. Then again I could also see major head trauma in his future. Thankfully those two paths aren't mutually exclusive.
You miss both 0% and 100% of the shots you don't take,
Father
Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away with that rant. But, like 90% of that is true. He's super into basketball right now and it's really fun. I don't know how to break the news to him that he's probably going to be 5'9'' and that could, possibly, hinder his long term success. Instead, we signed him up for tennis lessons this summer.
Another really funny thing is hearing Cam re-tell the religious stories he learns at school. Christianity by Cam is hilarious. My favorite was the time he told us about how "Jesus was in the doghouse until his friend Smokey J told him to come out." After some digging, it's possible he was recounting the story of Lazarus. But, I like to believe that Smokey J is the gangster nickname Jesus had for James. My second favorite is when I was talking to Cam about somebody named Jose. Cam proceeded to tell me tabout how all the people in the bible "threw there jackets in the mud and shouted Jose, Jose." I'll let you figure that one out.
Onto the younger child. He is adorable right now. He is a smiling, waiving, peek-a-boo playing little ball of perfection. And that dude loves to push himself to the limits of his physical abilities. He wants to climb everything he can get to. One of his favorite past-times is to climb on top of (insert noun here), stand up, and look at you with delight. If you turn your back on him for 10 seconds he will be standing on top of his riding fire truck like he's about to go surfing. There may or may not be multiple home videos of him accomplishing such feats and.... then falling really hard on the floor. I guess that is what movie editing software is for. Based on his combination of attractiveness and affinity for stage-like platforms, I'm predicting he is going to be runway model. Then again I could also see major head trauma in his future. Thankfully those two paths aren't mutually exclusive.
You miss both 0% and 100% of the shots you don't take,
Father
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Revelations
I've learned exactly 10 things so far in 2014. I'm going to share them with you now.
10: Cam's obsession with Ninja Warrior is not good for his face.
9: You can consistently complete Insanity workout videos before getting a Blue Cross Blue Shield agent on the line.
8: Fire fighters need a raise. It feels like you could earn an honest living in that profession, but apparently it requires panhandling to supplement your income. Seriously, put your boots back on and get out of the street. At least when you were fundraising with your lascivious calendars you weren't causing a traffic delay. The next begging fire man I see in the road is getting his bare foot ran over. You have been warned.
7. Mexican food + lots of spinning = sitting in your own vomit for the car ride home. It was a tough lesson for her to learn, but I told Mindy not to spin so much.
6. Boy's trips to Del Rio are good times. If I close my eyes I can still hear Cam chanting "no ladies, no babies." And don't bother asking Cam about our trip because he's been trained that what happens in Del Rio stays in Del Rio. But I'll give y'all a little sneak peak. Let's just say that 3 out of the following 4 things are true. Cam attempted to pee off a bridge and ended up with urine all over his clothes. We picked up a hitchhiker somewhere near San Antonio that we later learned was an escaped convict. There was at least one night where Cam could be found binge eating chocolate cake in motel room at 11 pm. My father won a limbo contest at my cousin's wedding by out-dueling a midget. Let me just reiterate that a good time was had by all.
5. Croup is the devil's work. And I'm pretty sure Chris Harrison probably has something to do with spreading this destructive force.
4. Preschoolers are master negotiators. And they always seem to be working toward attaining the most immediate reward. At first I was trying to offer Cam some guidance around this tactic. I was trying to help him put off some immediate gratification in the pursuit more significant pleasure down the road. But the more I became acquainted with his strategy, the more I respected it. He has it right. You just have to be relentless in your negotiation for short term gain. You see, there's no harm in agreeing to give up something in the future to obtain immediate reward. Because we both know that when we get to this so called future loss, that exact same strategy is still going to apply. I think he plans on just pushing back his loss until he moves out of the house. In some ways it's kind of like our national debt situation. Preschoolers are very advanced.
3. Steven Tyler decided to go as the Geico Caveman to the Grammys.
2. Cam is incapable of talking about religion without adopting the accent of a southern woman. I guess sending him to a church-based preschool in Texas has measurable affects. And "Lawd" is it cute.
1. Carter being mobile is a game changer.
Truth has been spoken here today. Go with "Gawd".
Father
10: Cam's obsession with Ninja Warrior is not good for his face.
9: You can consistently complete Insanity workout videos before getting a Blue Cross Blue Shield agent on the line.
8: Fire fighters need a raise. It feels like you could earn an honest living in that profession, but apparently it requires panhandling to supplement your income. Seriously, put your boots back on and get out of the street. At least when you were fundraising with your lascivious calendars you weren't causing a traffic delay. The next begging fire man I see in the road is getting his bare foot ran over. You have been warned.
7. Mexican food + lots of spinning = sitting in your own vomit for the car ride home. It was a tough lesson for her to learn, but I told Mindy not to spin so much.
6. Boy's trips to Del Rio are good times. If I close my eyes I can still hear Cam chanting "no ladies, no babies." And don't bother asking Cam about our trip because he's been trained that what happens in Del Rio stays in Del Rio. But I'll give y'all a little sneak peak. Let's just say that 3 out of the following 4 things are true. Cam attempted to pee off a bridge and ended up with urine all over his clothes. We picked up a hitchhiker somewhere near San Antonio that we later learned was an escaped convict. There was at least one night where Cam could be found binge eating chocolate cake in motel room at 11 pm. My father won a limbo contest at my cousin's wedding by out-dueling a midget. Let me just reiterate that a good time was had by all.
5. Croup is the devil's work. And I'm pretty sure Chris Harrison probably has something to do with spreading this destructive force.
4. Preschoolers are master negotiators. And they always seem to be working toward attaining the most immediate reward. At first I was trying to offer Cam some guidance around this tactic. I was trying to help him put off some immediate gratification in the pursuit more significant pleasure down the road. But the more I became acquainted with his strategy, the more I respected it. He has it right. You just have to be relentless in your negotiation for short term gain. You see, there's no harm in agreeing to give up something in the future to obtain immediate reward. Because we both know that when we get to this so called future loss, that exact same strategy is still going to apply. I think he plans on just pushing back his loss until he moves out of the house. In some ways it's kind of like our national debt situation. Preschoolers are very advanced.
3. Steven Tyler decided to go as the Geico Caveman to the Grammys.
2. Cam is incapable of talking about religion without adopting the accent of a southern woman. I guess sending him to a church-based preschool in Texas has measurable affects. And "Lawd" is it cute.
1. Carter being mobile is a game changer.
Truth has been spoken here today. Go with "Gawd".
Father
Monday, December 23, 2013
'Twas the night before Christmas Eve...
Vacation has begun. I'm officially off of work for the next 2 weeks. As part of my quest to live life like I'm still in high school, I went and scheduled myself a nice little Christmas vacation. But now I am one day in to said vacation and I'm realizing that the reality of these two weeks might be a tad different than the ones I remember so fondly from my youth. In my excitement to get off of work, I failed to consider that this parenting gig wasn't going to take a hiatus as well. Now... I'm thinking I may just plan a few "working days" at the office to prepare for the new year. We'll see how that flies. I don't know how Mindy does it so much, because being in this house is like being constantly cornered by two assailants of need. It's a perpetual dance of placation and/or disappointment. It makes me tired.
But I love me some Cam. That little dude is fun to hang out with. Lately we've been really into playing the Madden football App on the Ipad. He picked our team to be the Bears because they are, and I quote Cam here, "Bad Boys." Then he somehow changed the uniforms to the Bengals so we are now the Chicago Bengals. "We" rely very heavily on our tight ends and slot receivers. At first I thought he was going to seriously injure Martellus Bennett by exclusively throwing him the ball. But now he has developed a nice little rapport with Alshon Jeffery on the slant. "We" rarely win. It took us about 20 tries to beat the Washington Redskins (including a last second pick six that lost us the game because "we" were trying to run up the score). That one stung. But we finally defeated Washington this morning and advanced on to playing the Indianapolis Colts. Cameron refers to our new foe as the "Whiteskins." Sometimes I feel very discriminated against in my house. It's hard to be a minority.
Cameron and I also like to participate in trivia contests. This is a sneak peak at a typical game. I ask Cam if he can name 7 trains from Thomas. He rattles them off in one breath. He asks me an abstract question with multiple answers. No matter what I guess, I am responded to by a loud buzzer noise and a harsh "wrong." It's like doing that psychic game with Bill Murray at the beginning of Ghost Busters. But, it's fun to hear the clever questions and answers he comes up. Like just the other day, he asked me "who is Momma's favorite guy?" I smiled at him smugly and answered, "me of course." I expected the buzzer noise. I was even prepared for him to claim that spot. But I most certainly was not ready for what was to come next. Apparently, my wife's "favorite guy" is the man who was at our house earlier that day fixing the air conditioner. This was rather alarming news. Coming from my family of origin, I am quite aware of the allure that profession can have on the ladies. Graves' Heating and Air is basically just a male prostitution network. If my father or uncle tell you any differently, they are lying. And when you're working in refrigeration you are always working with "hot" women. Ok, I'll stop. But needless to say an extensive interrogation took place to uncover what transpired between Mindy and the repairman. The investigation is still pending.
I had more I wanted to write today, but Mindy is waiting for me so we can do Insanity before the kids wake up from nap. Nap time is not to be squandered in pithy rantings. Fun fact, did you know that Mindy knows the first name of all the back-up fitness participants in the Insanity DVD. I'm beginning to think that this stay at home gig might be a little lonely. And with that realization, I am definitely intensifying my efforts on the repairman case. We shall see if she goes Freon the charges or not... Ok, I'm truly stopping. That was just sad.
Merry Christmas,
Father
But I love me some Cam. That little dude is fun to hang out with. Lately we've been really into playing the Madden football App on the Ipad. He picked our team to be the Bears because they are, and I quote Cam here, "Bad Boys." Then he somehow changed the uniforms to the Bengals so we are now the Chicago Bengals. "We" rely very heavily on our tight ends and slot receivers. At first I thought he was going to seriously injure Martellus Bennett by exclusively throwing him the ball. But now he has developed a nice little rapport with Alshon Jeffery on the slant. "We" rarely win. It took us about 20 tries to beat the Washington Redskins (including a last second pick six that lost us the game because "we" were trying to run up the score). That one stung. But we finally defeated Washington this morning and advanced on to playing the Indianapolis Colts. Cameron refers to our new foe as the "Whiteskins." Sometimes I feel very discriminated against in my house. It's hard to be a minority.
Cameron and I also like to participate in trivia contests. This is a sneak peak at a typical game. I ask Cam if he can name 7 trains from Thomas. He rattles them off in one breath. He asks me an abstract question with multiple answers. No matter what I guess, I am responded to by a loud buzzer noise and a harsh "wrong." It's like doing that psychic game with Bill Murray at the beginning of Ghost Busters. But, it's fun to hear the clever questions and answers he comes up. Like just the other day, he asked me "who is Momma's favorite guy?" I smiled at him smugly and answered, "me of course." I expected the buzzer noise. I was even prepared for him to claim that spot. But I most certainly was not ready for what was to come next. Apparently, my wife's "favorite guy" is the man who was at our house earlier that day fixing the air conditioner. This was rather alarming news. Coming from my family of origin, I am quite aware of the allure that profession can have on the ladies. Graves' Heating and Air is basically just a male prostitution network. If my father or uncle tell you any differently, they are lying. And when you're working in refrigeration you are always working with "hot" women. Ok, I'll stop. But needless to say an extensive interrogation took place to uncover what transpired between Mindy and the repairman. The investigation is still pending.
I had more I wanted to write today, but Mindy is waiting for me so we can do Insanity before the kids wake up from nap. Nap time is not to be squandered in pithy rantings. Fun fact, did you know that Mindy knows the first name of all the back-up fitness participants in the Insanity DVD. I'm beginning to think that this stay at home gig might be a little lonely. And with that realization, I am definitely intensifying my efforts on the repairman case. We shall see if she goes Freon the charges or not... Ok, I'm truly stopping. That was just sad.
Merry Christmas,
Father
Saturday, December 14, 2013
PC or Not PC?
I recently came to the realization that Mike may be more politically correct than I thought. This may shock you, given what he has written on this very blog in the past. However, consider the following examples:
- When Mike's dad first met Carter as a two-month-old, Carter was a cute, chubby baby. Mike's dad affectionately called him a sumo wrestler. Mike told his dad to stop being a racist and just call Carter fat.
- Carter is at the age where he'll do anything to reach a desired object, including throwing himself out of my arms or face planting to the ground, so I like to say he's my little kamikaze baby. Mike immediately responds by saying this is racist, because if Carter were not half-Asian, we would instead call him reckless, adventurous, and strong.
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