Scrooge in October

So... yeah, Halloween is upon us. I know it's a really exciting night for many, like pedophiles and/or crafters, but I'm really not a big fan. As far as I can tell, Halloween is really just an opportunity for four things:

A) children to extort their neighbors through threats of violence
B) adult women to dress like tramps and call it a costume
C) parents to parade tiny children around in ridiculous outfits and a look of embarrassment on their faces (it's the same facial expression as when you put a hat on a dog - eyes filled with resignation and shame)
D) eating candy corn until you feel sick

And now that I'm re-reading my list that was meant to disparage the holiday, I'm starting to reconsider my stance. A, B, and D sound like a pretty awesome time. But, that still leaves us with C. And there is no silver lining or positive spin for C. It's just pure degradation and permanent psychological damage.

As new parents, there is a grave responsibility (definite pun intended there) to find a Halloween costume for Cam that is shame-free. However, there is also a strong desire to find a costume that is cute, entertaining to others, and preferably low cost. Clearly, there is a lot of pressure. So I thought we would turn to you, our readers, to help us make yet another monumental decision. Below I'll outline the Halloween costume ideas that we've discussed (with a brief analysis). Please read and then help us decide.

1) Pauly D from Jersey Shore
Pros: Pop culture relevant; allows for Mindy and I to sit around before we go trick-or-treating making "the shirt before the shirt" jokes and shout "oh yeah" all night; and Cam is already a natural fist pumper
Cons: Last week's haircut! I was all for this costume when I thought we could go to the barber on the morning of the 30th and actually get his hair cut and styled like Pauly D. Now that has been ruined. The idea of buying a tiny Pauly D wig, to then cover Cam's most recognizable feature, just seems sad.

2) Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs
Pros: Great comic and seems baby appropriate
Cons: Big Con with this one is that Mindy wants me to dress up as Calvin. Which in her mind means I wear a red t-shirt that says Calvin. First, I hate dressing up in costumes. Second, this costume sounds really lame. Also, I think dressing Cam up as a baby Tiger might be walking a little too close to the "shame" line for comfort.

3) Gilbert Arenas - complete with 2 guns and an ace bandage around his knee
Pros: Unique, humorous, and we already have a Gilbert Arenas onesie (conveniency bonus points awarded).
Cons: Probably 95% of the people that see Cameron will have no idea who he is supposed to be and/or why this is funny. But I think the 5% who do get it will appreciate it even more; kind of like an inside-joke effect. Another large Con is, in order to really complete the ensemble, I probably need to dress in a Jarvis Crittenton onesie. I'm not sure if this is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Plus, I'm pretty sure that the Jarvis Crittenton adult onesie may be somewhat difficult to locate.

4) Mondo from Project Runway
Pros: I think Cameron would look fabulous in a tight print-shirt, tiny shorts, knee socks, and elf hat; Cameron and Mondo seem close to the same size and have close to the same hair (so that would help with the believability); and it would afford Mindy and me the opportunity to say "Nina Garcia" with a German accent over and over
Cons: Again - nobody would know who he was. And this might actually require some sewing at our house.

5) Chris Harrison / Satan
Pros: Strong statement
Cons: We would have to explain to everyone why Satan was carrying a rose.

6) Tiger Woods
Pros: Provides all kinds of opportunity for inappropriate jokes
Cons: We'd have to push him around in miniature SUV with a fire hydrant glued to the front.

7) Orville Redenbacher
Pros: This is the most memorable Halloween costume that I have from my childhood.
Cons: He'll also grow up to hate Halloween.

Well, those are the options we've got so far. Please cast your vote in the comment section. Or feel free to write-in additional suggestions. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!