Deep Questions by Mindy Graves

So I'm sitting in my recliner this afternoon, minding my own business, when I am assaulted by underhanded conniving questions designed to disparage me as a father. Before I elaborate, allow me to set the groundwork. As previously discussed in this blog, I am very afraid of death. I want to live forever. I think that anybody who says they are not afraid of death is either lying, crazy, or reached a higher plain of enlightenment (and I'm not totally sold on the last option). Mindy is well aware of my stance on this matter. Trust me, she knows. So it could be with nothing other than malicious intent with which she proposes the following hypothetical question:

Father Disparager - "Mike, let's say you are presented with a Harry Potter Scenario where you have to choose between Cameron or you dying. Which one would you choose?"

Me (after a pretty brief pause) - "I would live."

Psychological trap setter - "Seriously?!?!?! What if Cam was in the street and a car was coming toward him? You wouldn't try to save him?"

Me - "Of course I would try to save him. I didn't say I wouldn't try to protect our son. I said that in the face of your totally contrived scenario where somehow magically we were assured that only one of us could live, I would choose to live."

Passive Aggressive Quizzer (covering Cameron's ears) - "Unbelievable. I thought you loved our son."

Me - " If it makes you feel any better, if I had to choose between Cameron or you I would choose Cameron to live. See I love our son. Now get off my back and go chronicle this discussion in your Harry Potter Journal."

Well, maybe that last part wasn't said exactly like that, but it's pretty much the gist of the conversation. For the purpose of protecting my image I left out the part where I said we could always have more children. To which she responded that she wasn't so sure she would want to have any more children with me. Ouch. I guess implying our son is replaceable wasn't my finest argument. Regardless, I dare any of you to tell me that I'm in the wrong here. I choose life. If that makes me a criminal, then lock me up. As long as the death penalty isn't involved...