The best looking babysitter in town

I just wanted to offer a heartfelt and public thank you to our friend Tim for agreeing to watch Cameron this evening while his wife and I attend a work related holiday party. It is very kind of you Tim. I promise to bring you back some eggnog.

I also wanted to provide you with some quick information about Cameron's schedule. I was going to tell you when I dropped him off, but thought it might be a little too much to remember. I'm not really particular, as long as the following things occur in the outlined times:

5 pm - Drop off
5 to 5:30 - Free play time
5:30 - afternoon sing along. We are doing a holiday theme right now. It must include the 12 days of Christmas Muppet version. Cam really enjoys miss piggy's "5 golden rings" part, so please try to give that voice a little pizzaz.
6 pm - morality and/or social tolerance time. Lately I've been using multi-racial puppets, acting out common stereo-types, then saying "no" in a firm voice.
6:30 - start of dinner. The first course tonight will be 2 cubes of sweet potatoe mixed in with 2 ounces of milk and four tablespoons of whole grain cereal. This will be followed by a lovely spring vegetable mix and a rice and lentle baby food. He will wash that down with some water and approximately six cheerios for dessert. His meals are typically served to taste and are presented with decorative lettuce.
6:50 - Usually this is bath time. Note: YOU WILL NOT BE DOING BATH TIME. I just don't feel comfortable with you applying his ointments. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
7:00 - This is when he spends about 2 minutes on his Bidet. I don't think you have one at your house, so I'll just bring our portable bidet.
7:02 - Nightly cool down and play time. I was thinking it might be fun to position your son under the minature basketball hoop at your house and have Cameron dunk on him repeatedly.
7:15 - Ego affirmation time.
7:30 - Nightly Bottle - Four ounces of un-pasteurized breast milk.
7:45 - Pick up time

I think that's about it. I can't really think of anything else. Oh yeah, we have been trying really hard lately to discourage any sort of vulnerability or weak negative emotions. So if he seems sad or fatigued, please either make him laugh or pinch him until he becomes angry. Again, thanks in advance for watching him. I hope ya'll have fun. See you in a few hours.