Let's Get Metaphysical

Weird things have been afoot. Things for which I have no answer. Things that make me question the very fabric of my existence. First, my family's childhood pet vanished. Bingo-the-dog literally disappeared without a trace. He is a 16-year-old beagle who is legally blind and deaf, so the probability that he got very far on his own is small. And unless somebody took offense at his timidity or odor, I don't think there is much motive for abduction / assassination. According to the investigators on the scene, there were some signs of a struggle (a knocked over flower pot), but no traces of blood or other animal prints. Animal attack is unsubstantiated at this time. In the end, my family remains mystified. But I think I have the answer. When Mindy informed me that a coworker had a cat disappear on the same evening, it became clear. There has been a pet rapture. Which means, unfortunately for all of you who still have your furry friends, some pets have been Left Behind. Reilly, your soul was not prepared...


But that is not all. I also learned that my son is a healer. His hands are like unicorn tears. As thirsty visitors to our house well know, the water device on the refrigerator does not work. It hasn't worked for over 5 years. Well, that was true until the Cam laid hands on it. Earlier this week, he batted at the water tube under the fridge and began babbling in tongues. Friday evening I watched in awe as my Aunt placed her cup to the fridge and voila... there was water. Because I refuse to believe that my nine-month-old son is a better mechanic than me, I think it's clear that he possesses magical powers. And even though my Aunt probably ingested an ungodly amount of bacteria from drinking water that has been sitting still in a tube for over five years, there was still great celebration for the miracle. Since that night I have had Cameron bless all my fantasy football rosters and Mindy has been frantically searching his forehead for any indication of a lightning scar. We are also flying Cameron to California immediately to see if he can conjure Bingo back. If the Magic Cam doesn't work I don't know what else to do. You will be missed Bingo. Enjoy sleeping indoors (aka Heaven) and say hello to Sam for me.