Mommy Issues

This has nothing to do with Cameron. It has everything to do with my Mommy issues. Relax Mom and take a deep breath, I'm not about to put you on blast. I'm talking about my issues with the mommies of Cedar Park. It has been a roll o' coaster of emotions for me the past 24 hours. I want you to take a trip with me back to where it all began. Let's rewind to yesterday at Library class (cue the Wayne's World doo doo do, doo doo do)...

I'm sitting in the class with some women that Mindy and I have befriended lately. These are super nice people and I'm enjoying my conversations. As usual I am the only male in the class above the age of 16 months, but I really have stopped paying much attention to that. I'm starting to feel like I'm just part of the group. Then it happens. The moment I've been waiting for. One of the mother's mentions that they have a "Mother's group" that meets up during the day for outings (i.e. going to the park, etc.) and she wondered if I would like to come along. My heart leapt. Eureka! Ever since I've been a "stay at home" I have longed to be a part of one of those groups at the parks and not just that male creeper lurking about and awkwardly butting into there conversations. Now I was going to have a group of my own. After checking out some books, I walked out of the library to find members of my group still talking with one another. Brimming with confidence and a feeling of belonging I approached the group with a big smile and a "hi there fellow moms." I then made a joke about getting together for "Mani / Pedi's" and everyone laughed, all the while our children played happily around us. It was lovely. We talked for about 5 more minutes then I headed home. I called Mindy on the way to share my excitement about today's events. The rest of the day felt like I was walking on a cloud.

I suppose, I should have seen it coming. I should have known it was too good to be true. Last night is when the hammer fell. I send out an email to the person who had invited me, so she could add Mindy and myself to the email list. I won't cut and paste the response I received, but allow me to furnish you with some of the highlights: "Mindy more than welcome," "Bunco nights," "Group organizer (aka head mom) said," "mom's not comfortable," "breast feeding in public," "You should really be working harder so the nurturing parent can be with your child," "take your penis and scram." Okay, I might have added a couple of elements there. Essentially, she told me that the group organizer (aka Big Momma) said that she thinks having a man there would change the dynamics and she offered to send a link to a Father's group I could pursue. And for the first time in my life, I have some major mother abandonment issues. I wasn't mad, just really, really hurt. I racked my brain for how to deal with the situation. After about an hour of deep thinking and intermittent sobbing I decided how to proceed. I sat down and wrote the following email (with some added explanations to you included within parentheses):

Dear J (aka nice person who kindly included me and is now awkwardly stuck in the middle of me and Big Momma),
You tell your leader that I will not take this lying down. As far as I see it, I have four options at this point:
1) Crawl away like the emasculated bitch that you clearly think I am to join a "father's group" who will undoubtedly never want to play Bunco with me (side note: it has been a dream of mine since my elementary school bunco party to once again play this game. The added Bunco component to this mess is really like a dagger to the heart).
2) Call a local news program and ask them to do an investigation on gender-stereotyping and exclusion by Mother's in the Cedar Park Community
3) Create my own "all-accepting" parenting group, subversively find out wherever your group is meeting, hold simultatneous meeting at that location that tries to both one-up your group and recruit all of it's members; thereby, destroying it
4) Put in for sex-reassignment surgery. Question: What are the mother's stance on transgendered people? I'd like to know how far I'd have to commit to option 4 to make it viable?

So you tell your leader that I'm weighing my options. Unless, of course she has a sudden change of heart. Good day!

I'm still waiting to hear back.