Our son is roided up

That's right, Cam is on the juice. We went to his six month check-up and the doctor told me that he was far too weak and "sissy-looking," and needed to go on the cream. Either that or the pediatrician prescribed him a steroid cream to treat eczema. Who can remember? However, ever since he started juicing I have noticed some serious changes in his body and personality. I googled symptoms of steroid abuse, and yep, our son definitely has a problem. You read the symptoms below and then tell me I'm wrong.

1. Emotional problems - his emotional regulation is erratic. From smiles to piercing dinosaur screams. This one gets a check.

2. Reduced Sperm Count - judging that I believe his sperm count is at zero, this one also gets a check.

3. Male Breast Development - Anyone seen Cam by the pool? Check.

4. Severe Mood Swings, Depression, Irritability - Not sure why these are listed separately from the all encompassing "emotional problems" - but check em.

5. Male Pattern Baldness - Um, no. Not yet anyway.

6. Impaired Judgement - The dude keeps thinking he knows how to crawl just to fall flat on his face time and again. So, check.

7. Acne - He gets a zit now and then. We'll give him a maybe on this one.

7. Delusions - Just check out his grandiose self-promoting wardrobe and you have your answer. Really Cam? Slam dunk champion? And you're an all-star of what exactly? Definite check.

8. Hitting a lot of home runs - I tossed a wiffle ball in his general direction today and he promptly grabbed a rattle and smashed it out of the crib. As I write this I realize this symptom may be in some contradiction to the previous delusion symptom. Whatever, I'm counting them both.

Most of the other symptoms probably require a real doctor to diagnose, but I've seen enough to come to a conclusion: Cameron "The Situation" Graves is a juice head. And we signed him up for little league this afternoon.