Outing

As a stay at home parent I hear it's important to run errands. I've heard it said that running errands provides you with a sense of daily purpose and adult human interaction that improves everyone's quality of life. Considering that Cameron and I didn't change out of our pajamas before 4 pm yesterday, I thought today might be a good day for an outing. I strategized for my upcoming venture shrewdly by giving Cameron a big meal and putting him down for a nap right before we went out. This plan backfired a tad when he awoke from his nap screaming like someone had just punched him in the nads. What is up with this phenomenon? Every once in a while, despite the fact he has just eaten and slept, he'll wake up enraged. My best hunch is he's having a nightmare. A little PTSD from the birth experience perhaps? Flashbacks of approaching light, slow motion spinning, and a great amount of pressure on his head? Considering that sounds like a scene from Saw, I guess I would wake up screaming too. Anyway, he was sniveling and trying to compose himself for about ten minutes after he woke up. So, I didn't have great hopes for our upcoming trip. But he actually did pretty well.

Allow me to present today's itinerary: bank, post office, barber. Needless to say, we were all excited to head out on this great adventure. I'll skip the bank recap, because I used the drive through, and nothing remotely interesting happened. That's probably true for the whole trip, but you're going to hear about the post office and barber anyway. So I get to the post office and get in line. There are two workers. I look down for a second and when I look back up one of them has magically disappeared. When I came in there was one person in front of me. By the time I reach the counter, there are 15+ in line. Still only one worker. And in typical post office fashion, let's just say she was working methodically. Seriously, post office workers are completely unflappable. There's something inside of me that immediately gets a little anxious when I know there is a large group of people waiting on me. This thing motivates me to move a little faster. Post office employees have no idea what I was just talking about. I swear they should use the post office as a training facility for military bomb diffusers. Seriously they would be perfect for that job. Cool under the pressure of time constraints? Check. Comfortable working for a large bureaucracy? Check. Limited concern for their own life? According to stereotypes, probably also a check. I think those are all of the requirements. Seriously, tell me why this isn't a good idea?

Next the barber. We walk into an entirely empty hair salon. The stylist looks at me and tells me to please sign in. Seriously? There is literally nobody else in the place. Do you remember in Meet the Parents when Greg Focker is trying to board the plane and the stewardess keeps making him wait and making the boarding announcement over the loud speaker to an empty terminal? It was kind of similar to that. So I signed my name as Dr. Graves and made her refer to me as such for the rest of the visit. I cherish odd passive aggressive warfare. We are called back to her little swivel chair and Cameron is placed on the floor to watch the show. All and all, he looked rather outraged about the whole thing. I don't think he could believe that somebody would remove something as beautiful and precious as their hair. When the conversation turned to cutting Cameron's hair, the tears started to fall. I guess since all he's ever heard about is how majestic his hair is, he was probably worried about what his identity would be if it were cut. I understand. I felt the same way when I stopped wearing basketball shorts everyday in middle school. Nobody is even going to know who I am anymore. Anyway, me and the stylist had a nice long chat about cutting the little dude's hair and I almost pulled the trigger and went ahead with it. But I figured I better wait for permission from the true custodial parents, lest I anger her and lose my cush gig as a stay at home Dad. Cameron's first hair cut will wait for another day.

So we headed home and he fell asleep in the car. He stayed asleep when I carried him inside, thus giving me the opportunity to blog about our fascinating day. I am totally shocked right now that he has remained asleep in his car seat long enough for me to actually finish. I better quit now while I'm ahead. Next on tap .... tummy time and soccer. The day is young my friends.