And this is the way of second borns. Baby 1 got a blog specifically created for it 7 months before it even existed. Live streaming updates from the birth itself. Editorials on his facial expressions, feeding schedule, and bowel movements. Over 250 posts chronicling the minutia of his development. Baby 2? I think I can pretty much sum up what happened in a couple of paragraphs.
We went to a hospital a couple of weeks ago where Mindy doped herself up, chatted with a nurse about reality television, and sneezed out a 8 pound, 7 ounce alien. Upon arrival there was a moment of confusion when the baby was African American. But it turned out that the young one had quite a bit of facial bruising from Mindy spiking her pelvic bone into his face during descent. We named the entity Carter Edward Graves and moved to the next hospital room. Hospital employees frequently commented on how strong he was. Then he had his penis maimed.
Apparently Mindy and I only make one baby prototype. I mean, he looks a little different from Cameron did, but it's pretty much just an updated version of one model. We also only produce children with early Jaundice, so Carter got to spend a few days under the tanning booth. About two days after birth, I'm happy to announce, the milk arrived. There was no nipple confusion (which I like to imagine as a baby vision where he is surrounded by a maze of nipples into which he keeps colliding with no escape). He seems to have mastered eating, judging by how fat he is getting. He also is relatively chill, other than the frequent zombie straining noises he makes while pushing gas and shit from his body.
Personally, I rarely interact with the new one. Sometimes he's crying while Mindy is in another room and I'll pick him up and carry him back to his owner. But that's about it. Me and Cam get to spend even more time together now and have formally made a power alliance. Nobody is sure where Reilly ever is. The battle for household domination is clearly afoot.
In all seriousness though, Carter is a healthy little boy. Cam is adjusting fairly well to being a big brother. He's been really sweet and gentle with Carter so far. And I've invented a symbolic newborn advent calendar - where basically I eat a lot of candy, drink a lot of beer, and count the days until a hint of normal life returns. Note to potential father's out there: if someone tries to sell you on father hood by minimizing the trauma of the newborn period you should punch them in the face. These are dark days that you push through. That is all.
Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and support. Special shot out to Mindy's Dad and my Mom for all of there help while we were still in the hospital and settling in at home. You made our lives soooo much easier and I am very thankful!
And that about sums it up. I'll be back around Carter's high school graduation to fill y'all in on how he turned out. I have high hopes for this one. I hear he's really strong!
Father
