G-Baby's Room

Here are pics of G-Baby's room...FINALLY! After Mike's previous vulnerable post, I didn't want to steal any of his thunder...or give further credence to his phobia # 3.

I love the furniture - we bought all three pieces as part of a matching set on Craig's List. The set is about five and a half years old, but it is solid wood and everything is in really great condition - hardly a scratch on any of the pieces. The woman who sold it to us told us she was really glad we are expecting, because she didn't want "just anyone" to have it, which makes me wonder who would purchase nursery furniture if they weren't having a baby.

Getting everything home was an adventure, and we learned just how big (or small) our Mazda really is. Many thanks to our helpful neighbor and his entire family who drove all the way from Leander to South Austin to help transport the furniture back to our house.

Here is the hutch combo - also pictured is "Pat Them Gently," the book that Reilly took offense to:

Here is the crib - it's not a drop-side per se, but the top part drops down:

Here is the changing table - what's neat about this piece is that after you don't need a changing table anymore, you can flip it over and it becomes a dresser:

Mike's installing a ceiling fan today, and then all I think that's really left to finish G-Baby's room is looking for a nice glider and decorating the walls. It's so surreal to think that G-Baby will be here in about 7 weeks!

Grandma Graves

I would like to write a brief tribute to my grandmother Ethel Graves. My grandmother died recently at the age of 88. She was married to my grandfather for 68 years and raised four children. My grandmother was a very generous and giving person. She had a great sense of humor and was a fierce O’hell competitor. I honestly have nothing but happy memories with my grandmother. She will be missed greatly.

The only thing to fear is ... fatherhood.

I have learned so much from Harry Potter. For one, if you are in a wizarding battle you should just skip straight to the Avada Kerdavra curse. What is the point of messing around with all of this stunning and vanishing nonsense when you never know when the other wizard might decide to escalate things and just finish you off? Secondly, snogging can cause a lot of conflicted emotions among friends. Yet, perhaps the greatest lesson of all is that you should not be afraid to name your Voldemorts. Before you can stand up to your fears you must first identify them and call them what they are. In that vein, I would now like to use this blog as an opportunity to face my fears about fatherhood. I will hide them in the shadows no longer. Behold my top 5 fears about becoming a father:

5. That my son may someday kill me. This thought never even occurred to me until I was watching a documentary recently about a mother and son who jointly bludgeoned a father to death. Of course I'm not planning on inflicting the years of emotional and physical abuse that this guy did. But still, I'm now regarding my offspring with just a little more suspicion than I had previously thought necessary. I'm keeping my eyes open for any signs of assassination attempts. And now that I think about it, I'm not so sure about the name Stryker anymore.

4. That my son is going to hamper my fantasy sports prowess. A fantasy football competitor has already nicknamed my son kryptonite (in reference to the new time constraints crippling my ability to succeed). In response to this harrowing possibility, I have no choice but to go all Tim Tebow on you people. I am re-doubling both my efforts and my time commitment to fantasy sports. You will never meet another individual who is going to work harder or longer at fantasy sports than I. Whenever Mindy gets up to feed the baby or soothe the baby or just generally spend time with the baby, I will be hunched over the computer preparing for fabricated and vicarious sports competitions. God bless.

3. That Mindy is going to love the baby more than me. This is actually just a fact. So I guess I'm not so much afraid of this as I am preparing myself for the realignment of the love hierarchy in our household. You see, I've already know what it feels like to be usurped as the number one man in Mindy's life. It happened a year and a half ago when that precocious varmint Reilly showed up. So, I'm hoping to somehow channel the overpowering adoration toward the child to re-jump Reilly in Mindy's esteem. If I end up being number three on this totem pole, it might too much for my ego to take. You better prepare yourself for a “love-battle” you anorexic four-legged punk.

2. That everything about my life (a life which I actually enjoy quite a bit) is about to change. I would like to personally thank all of you parents out there for rubbing my nose in this fear every time we have talked for the past six months. I swear that parents get a sadistic twinkle in their eye whenever they get the opportunity to lecture, errr I mean talk to, first time parents. It's like they are just happy that somebody else is about to join their miserable little club. Pure schadenfreude. And the conversation invariably goes something like this. "Congratulations. So are you ready for everything in your life to change. I remember when I used to be able to do fun things and go fun places and just enjoy life. And I used to have a good relationship with my spouse, instead of just bickering and fighting all the time. The biggest problem is you just can't get enough sleep so you are always irritable. Plus kids are just so expensive. Etc. Etc." Then after about 5 minutes of ranting and venting about how their children have ruined their lives they mumble some hollow obligatory cliché about how children are "the most rewarding thing they have ever done."

1. The growing awareness of my own mortality. Allow me to provide a little Mike math. Kid is born when I'm nearing thirty years old. Need to now check off 20 years to deal with parenting. Now I'm fifty years old. That is of course as long as fear number five hasn't happened before I'm 50. And my life is almost over. I need to ask a serious question to my readers out there. Is there anybody not petrified of death? If so, could you contact me to explain how you have accomplished this? This fear is rational, terrible, and is going to happen no matter what. I have some difficulty coping with these realities.

Well I'd like to thank you all for being party to my cyber therapy session. You all have been great listeners. Feel free to unburden yourself of your own fears in the comment section. This is a safe place.

Back by Popular Demand

Dear Faithful Readers,

Mike and I owe you an apology. We have not been good bloggers, and we have waited almost a month to post since our last blog entry. Rest assured, we will be more diligent in keeping you informed about the latest news in our lives.


So as not to overwhelm you with too much information at once, I'll keep this entry short tonight. We have received many requests to post new belly pics, so I've included those below. We'll post pics of G-Baby's room tomorrow night, so be sure to check back in tomorrow!

Week #27

Week #29Week #30

Week #31

Week #32

Two Paws Down

Mindy, I thoroughly enjoyed your book review. As a half-breed myself, I related greatly. But that is not what I want to talk about today. I would like to review a book as well. A book that arrived at this house in the mail ealier this week. Allow me to present, “Pat Them Gently” by Melanie Fear-Monger (errr I mean O’Brien).

“When you meet a pet, don’t touch them yet
First, ask ‘please’ and do not tease
Please don’t dare, chase, hit, or scare.
Say a quiet “hello” and be very slow
Softly stroke their fur. They’ll love you for sure if you…
Pat them gently!”

On behalf of dogs everywhere, allow me to retort. Why must humans continue to strike fear in the hearts of their children? I tell you what, I’m far more likely to bite you if you come at me with the ninja-like stealth attack proposed above. And I am not impressed by meaningless human manners or greetings. So you can save your pleasantries for your own phony species. I enjoy to be chased, hit (well slapped rather hard in the face) and scared (unless balloons are involved.) I’m not so sure how I feel about being dared, since nobody has actually approached me with verbal challenges. But I suppose I would enjoy that as well. Finally, I find the punctuation of the last sentence confusing and contradictory. Pat them gently, exclamation point? Huh? Do you want them patting us gently, but with fervor? Idiots.

So, basically everything written in that rag of propaganda is a lie. I get angry just thinking about another generation of humans growing up immersed in the same lies and stereotypes. And I know which one of you sent this to my house. Just know that when you show your face here, it is on. I am going to “unleash” a fury the likes of which your sinuses have never experienced. My fur will rain down on your hypo-allergenic ass. And I double dog dare YOU to approach me the way that your “book” suggests. See what happens then! And that is how you use an exclamation point.

Reilly Dog Out!!!!

I will shout it from the rufftops

I am the voice of reason. I am the man who stands up against tyranny. I speak from a place of painful experience. Having your genitals mutilated is no puppy treat. The penile guillotine is to be feared. Parents please paws and think before you do this thing. There is no need for more bloodshed.

Reilly Dog Out.

A Work in Progress

Mike and I registered at Babies 'R Us over a month ago. I knew there were some things I was going to have to change later, and a month later, I've finally made most of the changes! There's a chance that I'm going to be able to borrow a breast pump from Mike's sister Cheryl, so I still need to add bottle-related items oncce I know what kind of pump it is.

Okay, all you experienced moms and dads out there, take a look and let us know if there's anything we've missed: http://www.toysrus.com/registry/myregistry/index.jsp?overrideStore=TRUS&action=deleteItem&pidnum=3500152

Many thanks to Pamelamers and Mamacita for helping us know what to register for - you ladies are the best!

The Results Are In

The doctor's office called this afternoon, and I'm GD negative = I do not have gestational diabetes! Next time, I will have to make sure the first glucose test isn't scheduled anywhere around Halloween.

Picture me making that cute little baby sign for more

To be honest, after reading the chronicle o' diabetes I was kind of left wanting. There are so many holes that I have to fill with my imagination. For example, what happened between 8 a.m. and 8:10 a.m.? One can only wonder. And only one visual aide? It would have been nice to get some action shots of you in the chair while they drew blood. Or if that's not allowed, at least an artistic rendition of the scene. Finally, I think some segments from others perspectives would have really added to the piece and served to make it more objective. Maybe you could have interviewed the nurses to see if they thought you were really the fearless blood warrior you portrayed yourself to be. Or if you wanted to get a little creative, you could have written about the experience from Stryker's point of view. The only thing I know about Stryker's experience is he gets really excited when Andre Agassi talks about meth. Actually, that scares me a little.

Also, I have a bone to pick with our readers. Why do you all want to maim our child? There is only one reader of this blog who wants our child's penis to remain intact. Only one individual out of the whole lot of you who thinks that the way God made the penis is beautiful and needs to be cherished. I would like to commend that person for going against the crowd and standing up for what they believe in. Please come forward and be recognized.

Adventures From the Blood Lab

This morning, I went in for the three-hour glucose test that looks for gestational diabetes. I brought our laptop so that I could post blog entries in real time, in what would have been a first for the Graves blog. However, Austin Regional Clinic apparently doesn't think that WiFi is a viable technology, because they don't provide it for their waiting room. Anyways, what follows is an hourly account of my time in the lab and waiting room this morning.

8:00 AM - I check in with the receptionist. I notice that there are a lot of other people who schedule 8:00 AM appointments. The waiting room is already full!

8:10 AM - The lab tech draws two vials of blood from my left arm as a baseline. Because I just had blood drawn last week, I am an old pro at this and do not even flinch. But I still do not look and can't bear to see the needle before the lab tech sticks my arm.

8:15 AM - The lab tech gives me the glucose drink. It looks like Gatorade, but it does not taste like Gatorade. I am also unpleasantly surprised at the size of the bottle (see pic below) - when I took the one-hour test last week, they only gave me a Dixie cup to drink. I manage to drink it all, but the after-taste is less than savory.

8:22 AM - I finish the glucose drink, and the lab tech smiles sympathetically and tells me we will draw blood at 9:22 AM, 10:22 AM, and 11:22 AM. I go back out to the waiting room, where I learn there's no WiFi available. At least Bon Jovi is playing on "The Today Show."

9:22 AM - The lab tech notices I'm already bruising from this morning's first blood draw, so she draws one vial from my right arm. I go back out to the waiting room and find that Andre Agassi is on "Regis and Kelly" talking about his crystal meth addiction yet again.

9:50 AM - G-Baby is REALLY moving around. Note to self: keep this kid away from sugar when he gets older.

10:22 AM - I have a different lab tech this time. She draws one vial from my right arm. Although she was better at inserting the needle without too much of a pinch, I kind of miss the first lab tech. I wonder if she is on break or did she go to lunch already? Once I'm out in the waiting room, I discover that Kathie Lee is now on the "The Later Today Show" or whatever it's called. I'm curious how this show is different from "Regis and Kelly," and I wonder why Regis and Kathie just can't reunite.

11:22 AM - My original lab tech is back, and she draws the last vial from my right arm. We're done, and the test is finally over - hooray!

11:30 AM - I am extremely hungry, so I head to Chick-fil-A for lunch.

In total, they drew five vials of blood over three hours - Edward Cullen would have been jealous! My arms were a little sore immediately afterwards, and I have some small bruises, but in all honesty, the overall experience wasn't that bad. I should find out the test results in the next few days. Stay tuned!

G-Baby's Room

We finished painting and putting up a chair rail in G-Baby's room this weekend. I use the term "we" liberally. Read: the chair rail was my grand idea, but I was going to ask Mike to do most of the work. He was a good sport and agreed to take on the project, even though it meant he had to give up some football time on the weekend. He did a good job, and I love how the room looks!

Mike's parents have offered to to buy us a cherrywood crib (in keeping with the tradition that they've purchased all the other beds in our house!), and the bedding we've registered for is blue, white, and chocolate brown. I'm still trying to decide what other decor to add to the wall and/or ceiling. I can't wait to see how it all comes together!

Peds, Sweet G-Baby, and Belly Pics

Mike and I went to a "Meet the Pediatricians" event last night at the doctor's office to see the practice and meet the pediatrician whom my ob-gyn highly recommended. There are six different pediatricians in this practice, and we liked all of them. (In true Mike fashion, he wanted to organize a fantasy draft with the four other couples to see which doctor we would get. Unfortunately, in order to draft our #1 pick, we might have had to rumble with a larger woman who liked to ask astute questions even more than me.) We especially liked the doctor recommended to us, Dr. Spencer. I was impressed with Dr. Spencer because through the course of the event, he was able to successfully persuade Mike that there are some health-related benefits and not just cultural reasons to circumcise G-Baby (see poll to the left).


In other news, I took the 28-week glucose screening test at my doctor's appointment yesterday. I was very proud of myself for staying calm while they drew two vials. Unfortunately, the lab called this afternoon to say that my blood sugar is up, so I have to come in next week for the THREE-HOUR glucose tolerance test. When I asked the nurse if they had to draw blood or if it was a finger-prick, she laughed a menacing cackle and said, "Oh, you should be so lucky to have just a finger-prick!" Very reassuring. So some time next week, I have to go into the lab between 8:00 AM - 11:00 AM - that's THREE hours of drinking sugar water, waiting, and drawing FOUR vials of blood. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that next week's test results will come back negative for gestational diabetes. Stay tuned...

Also, I've been remiss in not posting updated belly pics. Here are some new shots from the last few weeks - as you can see, I'm definitely showing!

Week 24

Week 25
Week 26

Book Review

Pamelamers let me borrow a book called Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? The book is specifically written for either parents of multiracial children or parents who adopt children of another race than their own. I found the book to be thought-provoking, and two realizations come to mind after finishing the book:

1) While reading the book, I couldn't help but reflect on my own childhood as a Korean child growing up with white parents. I thought it was quite interesting that I didn't experience many of the same negative experiences and feelings as the multiracial young people in the book. I'm not sure that I can ever recall a particular instance of feeling isolated because I didn't "match" my white parents. Obviously, I was very aware that we looked different from one another, but I never felt that our family was weird in any way. I guess this speaks to the tremendous job my parents did raising me, if I do say so myself!

2) Until reading this book, it never once occurred to me that people might treat Mike's and my kids differently because they are mixed. Although we are in Austin, the liberal and progressive pulse of Texas, we are still in Texas after all. I expressed this concern to Mike last night who reassuringly told me, "Don't worry, our kids will get teased for many things in addition to their race." And as a school psychologist working with kids every day, I guess he knows.

Overall, I thought the book was a worthwhile read and it definitely had good intentions to help parents prepare for how they can answer their kids' questions about being a multiracial family.

Slander

Taylor who? Allow me to portray the truth regarding this conversation.

Mike enters the room and turns down the volume on the Pantera blaring in his head phones. Mike looks at Mindy. Mindy fakes a smile so he can't see.

Mindy: "Would you like to go see Taylor Swift?"

Mike: "No."

Mindy: "Taylor Swift is what I want and what I need. And everything that we should be."

Mike: "Is she beautiful, that girl you talk about?"

Mindy: "Yeah, and she has everything that we have to live without."

Together we sing: "She's the reason for the tear drops on our guitar. The only thing that keeps us wishing on a wishing star."

And a night of sing-alongs and merriment began. The end.

Okay, I'll shout it from the rooftops. Taylor Swift is a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air combined. It sounds like Mindy won't be able to make the concert, so guess who has an extra ticket? Who's with me?

Oh, How Our Lives Are Going to Change

As soon as existing parents find out you're pregnant, they feel compelled to gleefully tell you, "Your life is about to change." Mike attributes this to spite - that existing parents are secretly happy that other people are joining the ranks of sleeplessness and selflessness. Last week, we had our first experience where we discovered for ourselves exactly how G-Baby's arrival is going to change our lives.

Some of you may not know this, but Mike and I are both fans of Taylor Swift. Embarrassing, but true. It was announced last week that she is playing in Austin soon. The up side: the show is at the Erwin Center, where I could get us good seats. The down side: her concert is a mere four weeks after G-Baby's expected arrival date. Here's how the conversation went in our household about whether or not we could go:

Mindy: Oh, I heard on the radio this morning that Taylor Swift is coming to the Erwin Center on March 10.

Mike: We should go! I definitely want to go. Remember how last week I said that that was a concert I really wanted to go to?

Mindy: Well, I don't think we can...

Mike: Why not?

Mindy: Because the baby's only going to be four weeks old, and we won't be able to leave him for that long yet.

Mike: Dumb baby.

So, Taylor, we're sorry we can't be at your show, but we will listen to your CD at home on March 10. (And with this blog entry, Mike can officially turn in his man card.)

By the way, just one other update: last week was the first time I was actually able to see my belly bounce around from G-Baby's movement! Mike still hasn't felt G-Baby kick yet...every time he puts his hand on my stomach, G-Baby stops moving. Just the beginning of a mother-son coup d'etat...

Little people seem to need a lot of stuff

So I knew that creating our baby registry was serious business when Mindy elicited a baby consultant (thanks again Pam). Unlike the labor class, this was not the place for jokes. There are times in a man's life when it is just better to keep your humor/common sense to yourself and mindlessly point and click the scanner gun as you are told. This was one of those times.

So I bring my opinion to this public forum, hoping to find more backup than existed in that "sea of mothers" called Babies R Us. First off, that store name makes no sense. They are not a baby nor do they deal in the baby trafficking industry. Second, I hate them. They prey on parents-to-be fears and insecurities. They package the same item over and over with a slight twist and try to make you think that you need every one. I think we could purchase one blanket and somehow find a way to "swaddle," "receive," "hood," "warm," and "feed," a baby. Notice the pronoun use in that last sentence, because I am not claiming I can do any of those things. But the blanket would not be my problem. Babies R Us have now joined Toll Roads, Parking Garages, and the Dutch on the short list of things I despise. I root for its destruction daily.

That being said, Mindy we have to buy that giraffe patterened miracle blanket. Stryker is going to be swaddled-to-kill in that thing. Simply adorable.

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Childbirth Class

Childbirth class is over. Mike and I thought we would share the lessons we have learned over the course of this six-hour preparatory class.

What Mindy Learned:

• First and foremost, I do NOT want my delivery filmed for educational purposes.
• Oddly enough, there is a manufacturer out there who makes and sells a lifesize infant, complete with placenta, umbilical cord, arteries, and amniotic sac.
• To replicate the thinning and opening of the cervix, all you need to do is suck on a Lifesaver.
• An epidural is a must. Why flirt with the pain when numbness is just an IV away?
• Just thinking of an episiotomy makes me uncomfortable. I really hope G-Baby has a small head.
• Labor looks hard. Major understatement.
• As it turns out, the vacuum extractor does not look anything like the vacuum we own.
• I'm grateful to be a pregnant woman in the 21st century. Just think of what it was like for women to give birth in biblical times!
• Watching the baby come through the birth canal is kind of like watching a science fiction scene where aliens burst through people's skin.
• I've kind of been focused on doing all I can to make sure G-Baby is born healthy. But then I realized that even after he's born, I have to worry that there are no complications and that he has a good Apgar score and that he takes to breastfeeding. etc., etc.. And the worrying never stops from that point on...
• Some people insist on wearing LSU-related paraphernalia every Thursday night.
• There's something in Mike's nature that causes him to do other things when in a classroom setting - i.e. crossword puzzles, participating in some sort of fantasy draft, or trying to check the Dodgers score on his phone without being noticed.
• Hundreds of millions of women have given birth before me. I can do it too.
• All the labor pains will be worth it when I hold G-Baby for the first time.

What Mike Learned:

• Different mothers have very different temperaments during labor. The beastly woman in the first video was a nightmare, but that happy-go-lucky Nicaraguan woman was just a delight. So Mindy there is no excuse to be rude during this process. Please act like a lady.
• When you want to calm the mother down you put your eyes two inches from hers and blow strongly into her face. You also commentate in a very monotone voice about how big and spectacular the contractions are. I'd like to thank video number two for these gems.
• There is a man living in central Texas who looks exactly like a Ken doll on Steroids. Seriously, there is no way that his hair is naturally that color yellow.
• While attending a birth class men are required to pretend like we are attentive husbands. It was like a chivalry competition in there. I've never seen so much back- rubbing and rushing to open doors in my life. Which is nice, because it is a pain to worry about doors while trying to monitor a ninth inning Dodger rally.
• Mindy likes to show off by asking very astute questions that she already knows the answer to.
• It's not very polite, while leading a tour of the neo-natal unit, to stop a robe-clad mother fresh off delivery and ask her to share her "birth story" with the group.
• Babies have a "leave me alone" cry. Mindy also has one of those.
• You can turn a baby from breech position by lying on an ironing board. I promise you that this was discussed. Although I felt this raised more questions than answers. Does the ironing board need to be elevated from the ground? If so, how does it support a pregnant woman? If not, then why couldn't you just lay on the floor? If you were to lay on an ironing board and the baby was not breech, would it turn to breech? It's all very confusing.
• "Orientals used to just squat and deliver their babies in the field and then get back to work." I believe that quote from our instructor speaks for itself. Mindy you have nothing to worry about. Except all the hard work in the fields.
• Sometimes when the baby is having a hard time coming out the doctors utilize olive oil. Then they make a salad.
• Mindy is going to be a great mom. Well I knew this already, but I learned that I'm supposed to say these things and not be a total ass clown all the time.

What Reilly Learned:

• I learned that Thursday nights are cold outside. Babies suck.

It is finished

Child birthing class complete. Considering the thoroughness of that curriculum, I think I am now qualified to be a doula. Seriously, I dare anyone to bring me a labor related question that I can not answer. You tell me the color of the discharge and I'll tell you what it means. It's like a mood ring, that discharge.

Mindy came up with the great idea of independently posting lessons we have learned from the class. The first lesson I've learned is that when Mindy comes up with an idea I'm supposed to say it is great and immediately go about making it a reality. Anyway, that segment is coming soon. I just wanted to give it a little advanced publicity. I'm sure you are all excited!

Achtung Baby

Mike, G-Baby, and I went to see U2 at the new Cowboys Stadium on Monday night. Needless to say, it being a rock concert in a huge arena of 100,000+ people, it was LOUD. I definitely felt G-Baby kick, which made two things come to mind almost immediately: "Hmm, I wonder if that means G-Baby likes U2 or dislikes U2?" Which then led to the second thought, "Oh, I hope this isn't too loud for the baby!" I felt a little worried/guilty because all the pregnancy books say that the baby is at the stage where he can hear things outside of the womb and he can even start to recognize voices. Well, I guess it's not the worst thing in the world if G-Baby comes out of the womb recognizing Bono's voice!

This also made me remember that when we saw Jason Mraz in September, I'm pretty sure I felt G-Baby move then, although I didn't know it at the time. So maybe instead of Stryker Eugene Graves, we should consider something more meaningful or sentimental like Bono Mraz Graves.

Speaking of names, there's still no news on the name front - Mike and I still haven't found a name that both of us can agree on, and none of the Graves males have filed paperwork to legally change their names to Stryker...yet.

Belly pic for Week #23:

Tomorrow night is our last childbirth class! We'll be sure to post afterwards all that we've learned during this three-week class. I'm sure you're all looking forward to that. :)

The One Where She Felt the Baby Move

Up until today, I haven't been 100% sure that I've felt G-Baby move. At today's doctor's appointment, we listened to the heart beat (154 beats per minute) and then there was a muffled sound, which the doctor told me was G-Baby kicking. It happened about five more times, and I could feel it each time! I was really relieved and thought to myself, "Oh, that's what a kick feels like? Well, I've felt THAT for a long time!" It was a total Rachel Green moment - you know that "Friends" episode where Ross and Rachel see the baby on the ultrasound for the first time and Rachel can't tell she's looking at the baby? After Ross points out the baby for the umpteenth time, she's finally like, "Oh, well I saw that. I didn't know that was the baby!" True that, Rachel, true that.


Our doctor also recommended a pediatrician to us. The best thing is that his office is within a few miles from our house. My doctor has six kids of his own and his kids went to this particular pediatrician until he moved his practice up to the north side of town, so I think that's quite an endorsement. So we can cross finding a pediatrician off our list. Now onto finishing G-Baby's room, deciding what to do after maternity leave, interviewing potential day care providers, registering, picking out a name that's not Stryker...the list goes on and on.


I haven't posted a new belly pic in a while, so here is Week #22:




Tomorrow night, Mike and I have session #2 of 3 of our childbirth class, so wish Mike luck!

Adventures of a pre-natal class

I was excited as I drove to the class. Mindy was picking us up some french fries so we could be well nourished as we learned about the miracle of birth. I walked into that class a happy, excited father-to-be. I will never be the same.

I'm not sure exactly what the point of that class is. It seems more applicable for birth control than preparing for labor. My senses and emotions were put on a roller coaster ride the likes of which I've never known. Have you ever been simultaneously bored and petrified at the same time? I went back and forth between fighting sleep and wishing I hadn't had my eyes open.

Who is coming up with this curriculum? After they made us sit through a two hour long anatomy lesson (I now know the Latin word for a parent of multiple children, I'm sure I'll be using that in the delivery room) then they made us watch a video where that anatomy explodes. After the class Mindy made a comment about the size of the woman's breasts in the video. I swear to god, I had no idea that woman even had breasts. My eyes were stuck on the horror show that was happening elsewhere. And the looks on the faces of these mothers were even more frightening. They looked like they were being held in torture camps as prisoners of war. About 4 minutes into the film, I just wanted that baby to get out of that woman. I felt such a feeling of relief when the baby burst through in the movie, I can't even imagine what it is going to be like in real life.

The only thing that made sense about the way they structured the class, is that they put the deep breathing exercise at the end after you experience the trauma, errrr, I mean watch the video. But of course we ran out of time. There was plenty of time earlier for the nurse to finger a plastic cervix for about 10 minutes, but now we're suddenly in a rush? I don't remember how I got home last night.

But I must admit, there were some positives that came out of my Thursday evening. I think I might have convinced Mindy to refer to me as coach during the delivery (I'm not thinking that this is staying humorous for very long once this actually starts). I learned that, if I choose, I can detach the baby from Mindy in some strange, gory ribbon cutting ceremony. And I was provided with a host of revolting, yet strangely comical, options for fantasy football names. Like did you know that the "dull" side of the placenta is sometimes referred to as the Dirty Duncan? Tell me that doesn't have a great ring to it.

In closing, I would like to tip my cap to all mothers who have gone through this. Mindy, in the words of the great Kellen Winslow, you are a f***ing soldier.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail,
Coach

Not Miss Piggy After All

I'm sure most of you readers read this title and thought this was a reference to one of my earlier posts where I shared that Mike told me I was "packing on the lbs." However, this post is strictly health-related - I would like to confirm that I do NOT have H1N1 after all! I stayed home from work yesterday with fever, an upset stomach, and fatigue. Mike came home and said a co-worker had the same symptoms and was diagnosed with H1N1. So to be on the safe side, I stayed home from work again today and went to the doctor. After a very unpleasant nasal swab, the test results came back negative. The doctor also thought my symptoms are not flu-related, so hopefully this little bug I have will go away so that G-Baby and I can feel better soon!

Stryker Watch 09'

Greetings Team Stryker. This is a post of celebration. Victory is ours. Since the news of our offspring's maleness I have been campaigning round the clock for the name Stryker. I have attacked Mindy from all sides: rational arguments, humor, positive reinforcement, crying spells. Nothing has worked. But just when I thought she had become an unmovable mountain of common sense, a miracle occurred. I looked her right in the eye and she blinked. She is on her heals now.

Allow me to explain. One of the tactics I have employed is floating the idea of using Stryker as a middle name. The largest obstacle to this is that I am the third in a string of Eugenes. Three consecutive generations of Graves men have held the regal middle name of Eugene. So my conundrum has been how do I fulfill my dream without abandoning my ancestors? Eugene-Stryker? Streugene? Then it hit me. An answer so obvious I don't know how I have missed it these past few weeks. To my utter disbelief and glee, Mindy agreed that if I could bring my idea to fruition the middle name of our first born will be Stryker. This is why there is dancing in the streets of Leander tonight.

Now all I have to do is convince my Father and my Grandfather to legally change their middle names to Stryker. I am asking my readers to please contact your closest Graves' male and implore them to do their duty. Together we can make this happen.

Faithfully,
Michael Stryker Graves

Three Men and a Little Lady

Come February, the Graves household is going to get a surge in testerone - G-Baby is a boy! G-Baby was very cooperative during today's ultrasound and obligingly showed us within minutes that there is no doubt he's a boy (see picture below). However, Mike would like to point out that all that this picture confirms is that G-Baby is at least part boy...we won't rule out that he's not a hermaphrodite until we see him at birth!

Earlier this week, a co-worker Rachel told me she thought G-Baby was a girl because of the high heart rate. My office mate Gina thought it might be a girl because I haven't seen signs of "the hairy line." Daddy P was convinced it was a girl because I kept getting motion sickness. In the end, Chris, Jenee, and my dad were all right about G-Baby being a boy! To be honest, I was hoping for a girl, but as Mike pointed out, genders of the opposite sex tend to have better relationships, so I guess this works out better for me!

In other ultrasound-related news, the stenographer and doctor said all of G-Baby's measurements are within the normal range and there don't appear to be any signs of genetic defects or disorders. Apparently, G-Baby was all hopped up on the natural sugars in grapes, because he was very busy moving around in the womb during our appointment - the stenographer was amazed at how much he kept moving. Here's a good picture of G-Baby:

For those of you interested in the latest in the name update, now that we know that G-Baby is a boy, Mike is currently championing Striker or Stryker. For someone who works with troubled adolescents, you would think he would know how tramautic a name like Striker/Stryker will be! By the way, Mike tried to negotiate a deal with me in the doctor's office: if I agree to give him unconditional naming rights for G-Baby, he will not only agree to have a second child, but he will let me pick the name. Request denied.

And now, let the name battle and nursery bonanza begin!

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood"

While killing some time today at an elementary school, I decided I'd participate in a game or two of America's favorite pastime: Dodgeball. Although this is not the point of the story, you should know that I am a pretty dominant 4th grade dodgeball player. Anyway, me and the other members of team 2 are in our stances ready to sprint to the middle of the field of battle to retrieve the balls. This kid next to me, who I've never seen before in my life, turns to me and says these words: "I get my power from baseball." Seriously, how does one respond to this? "Really, I get my power from the extra 95 pounds I have on you?" I had nothing. He then went on to fill me in on his travels and exploits in the world of "select" little league baseball. I'm trying to pretend like I'm paying attention to this, but my focus is distracted by another young stranger who is repeatedly alternating between pointing at me and his flexed bicep. Of course I got a kick out of this, so I gave him the "Meet the Parents" "I'm watching you" signal. Well, I clearly should not have engaged this future Oregon Duck, because things escalated quickly. He went straight to the throat slashing gesture. Before I could register that my life had just been threatened by a nine year old, the horn had sounded and the game was under way. I'll spare the details of the beat down that we put on those little punks (I mean how could we lose with a "select" player on our team?). I just want to say that I am now officially afraid to be a parent. If my child (after the age of 8 and barring any socially impairing disability) turns to a complete stranger and without even a hello proceeds to explain why they are awesome, they will be immediately disowned. The throat slashing I can at least understand. I mean why the hell was a 30 year old man intruding on a children's game of dodgeball. I'd try to decapitate that bastard too.

Dear Mrs. Kempf

I hear you love the "Bloody Show". I want to personally thank you for taking the time to read this blog and support our offspring. If you ever want some reliable fantasy football advice, I mean from somebody who has actually won your husband's fantasy football league, please don't hesitate to ask. This is the greatest gift I have to give. I also encourage you to join in on the prenatal festivities by commenting on the blog any time you want. Your mothering expertise and taste in humor is valued and welcomed. I await that magical moment when we meet face to face.

Daddy

The Real G-Baby Update

I hear our readers would like an update that is relevant to G-Baby. So here's the latest...

Today, I am 18 weeks along. G-Baby weighs almost 7 ounces and is about 5 1/2 inches long...or the size of a bell pepper. Tonight, I heard Mike tell his mom on the phone that I'm "packing on the LBs" so I thought some of you might be interested to see my growing baby bump.

Week 17: Week 18:

Only six more days until we find out if G-Baby is a boy or a girl!

Breaking News

Our appointment on September 9th, where we hope to pinpoint a gender, has been changed. It is now at 4:10 pm instead of 3:30 pm. Stay tuned for further developments.

On the baby front...

Nothing new has happened. That is all.

The five most overrated mothers of all time

You want something baby related? Here ya go.

5. Mother Goose
4. Octomom
3. Mamacita
2. Pamelamers
1. Mother Teresa

This is the best post ever!!!!

Welcome to my first re-occurring column. Tune in daily to view top 5 lists of overrated things in a variety of categories.

Today's category is people. I am going to start with the honorable mentions then unveil my comprehensive list of the most overrated people of eternity.

The following are all overrated: Mia Michaels, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Joan of Arc, Shakespeare, Renee Zellweger, Rafael Nadal, Angelina Jolie, Samuel L. Jackson, Mick Jagger, George Washington, Cleopatra, Oprah, Tim Tebow, and Michelle Kwan.

Drum roll please..... Ladies and gentleman, your top five.

5. Mother Theresa (don't be fooled, she was a self promoting machine)
4. Paul Revere (a person with an IQ of 60 could have accomplished his task)
3. Princess Diana (if you get cheated on people love you)
2. Christopher Columbus (we have a national holiday for the ninth guy to "discover" the new world)
1. David Archuletta (Those torturous weeks that he stayed on America Idol I thought somebody was slipping me crazy pills)

Feel free to debate this list, but if you believe that anybody included above has worth that matches their hype you are just wrong.

Behavioral Modification

I see that the people have voted against spanking. I wonder how they would feel to find out that other individuals in this house have been subjected to painful blasts of electrical current when they do not conform? Is this as shocking to you as it is to me? Of course not, since I'm the one being sent to the electric chair every time I make a mistake. To error as a human is a pithy saying; to error as a dog is 200 volts to the brain.

In the name of justice, I ask that the human child be reared in the same manner as I. If it's okay to put that lightning collar around my neck, I'm assuming the new baby will be tortured accordingly. And if my feeble human masters are too soft to train the baby, I will be happy to help them out. Put the button under my paw and see what happens. I will light that baby up!

Reilly Dog out.

To Spank or not to Spank...

I notice that the poll on spanking is deadlocked at 2 to 2. And there are only three days to go. This is not a very good turn out to the ballot box. Nor is it helpful at all in shaping our child rearing views (since I ardently believe to always do what is most popular at the moment.)

I can only think of a few possible reasons why people have not voted. Since I refuse to believe that people just aren’t visiting our blog anymore, I’m assuming that you all are stumped on this issue. Therefore, I thought I would do some research to help inform your decisions. I found two scholarly articles that outline the arguments for and against corporal punishment. Please use these articles as a reference in making up your mind. Then cast your vote. G-Baby’s buttock is in your hands!

Spanking Definitely Hurts the Child More Than You
By Dr. Brady Wusseface

1. Spanking is ineffective: Spanking a child will stop the child from misbehaving for the moment, but studies have shown that the child's compliance will only last for a short time. Better ideas for intervention include asking the child nicely, putting the child in their toy-stocked room for an extended period of time, or begging the child to please listen.
2. It may trigger criminal, anti-social, violent, aggressive behavior later in life: A longitudinal study of 442 boys born in 1972, found that one out of every three boys -- those who have a specific version of a gene -- who was maltreated during childhood will be almost certain to now be fans and ardent supporters of Michael Vick.
3. It has been linked to many adult problems: Corporal punishment studies have linked spanking during childhood to higher levels of ugly feelings, country music listening, and conservatism as an adult. It was also found that 93% of carnies were spanked throughout their childhood.
4. Spanking lowers a child’s IQ: This is why it was banned in Texas schools after the recent emphasis on standardized testing.
5. It hurts the child: Most children who are about to be spanked report that they don’t want to be spanked because it is going to hurt.

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child
By Christian Wallop, Ph.D.

1. "Spanking was good for me; I turned out OK. It should be good for my children.” Aka, the revenge principle. Research demonstrates that individuals spanked as a child wait their whole life for the opportunity to smack somebody without consequence.
2. Spanking is the only method of discipline for toddlers who cannot understand reason and explanations. Studies have shown that children do in fact experience pain at an early age when they are struck forcefully. They will then use their inability to reason to associate this with nothing and just look at you confused.
3. The eight strongest studies demonstrate beneficial outcomes from corporal punishment. Children of spankers demonstrate a propensity to outwardly agree with their parents, thereby greatly improving their scores on parent-completed child outcome measures.
4. Since parents started to abandon spanking, youth violence has increased. This is a fact. There are currently studies under way to determine if increases in autism, on-line social networking, and the swine flu are also brought about by our failure to hit children.
5. God commands us to spank our children. There are many pro corporal punishment statements in the Bible. In fact, according to exegesis, when Jesus says “bring the children to me,” he also uses the Hebrew word “whackass,” which translates to the English “switch” or “paddle.”

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace." - Paris Hilton

Papa is preparing nuggets of wisdom to share with his spawn. He thinks to himself, "self, why not share them with your followers as well?" Behold, a glimpse of an intimate and tender exchange between father and zygote. I'm about to make it rain wisdom up in here....

Dear G-Baby,
This is father. You are welcome for the life I have bestowed upon you. Now, I want to give you something even more precious: my knowledge. All of the following are facts.

1) Always take a running back in the first round of a fantasy football draft.
2) Never firmly commit to a social engagement - a "maybe" makes it easier to back out later.
3) Going to school is better than working.
4) Death is to be feared and dreaded - this is rational.
5) Lazy eyes are subtly sexy.
6) Never trust a man with red hair.
7) Generic brands at the grocery store are usually okay - generic Oreos are not.
8) Do not bother learning cursive.
9) The following are fictional creations: Santa, Toothfairy, college football national champions.
10) Everything is better with cheese.
11) Why go places when you can watch them on T.V. for a minimal charge?
12) If somebody tells you they need 110% out of you, explain to them that this is both physically and mathematically impossible.
13) Toll roads and payed parking are creations of the devil.
14) Stretch your hips and hamstrings consistently and starting at a young age (so now would be a good time).
15) And whenever in doubt ask yourself this one question: "What would Tim Tebow do?"

Now I would like for you, faithful reader, to wipe the tears from your eyes and contribute to this list o' truth. What words of wisdom do you have for G-Baby?

Hugs,
Father

The Beat Goes On...

Yesterday was my 14-week appointment, and all is well! I got to hear G-Baby's heartbeat, which was beating at 158 beats per minute! We also set a big date...on September 9, we will find out if G-Baby stands for Gilbert or Gilberta. I can't wait!

By the way, for those of you wondering, Mike and I decided not to do any genetic testing at this stage. The results wouldn't really affect our decision to carry the baby full-term, so we are just hoping that genetic history will be kind to us.

In other news, I am 15 weeks today. G-Baby is the size of an apple. Like Lacy O. said once, isn't it weird that our babies get compared to things we eat?!?

182 Days and Counting...

It's official...the second trimester has begun. As of today, I'm 14 weeks. According to BabyCenter.com, G-Baby is now the size of a lemon. Here's a shout-out to Lacy O. for referring me to BabyCenter.com!

Also, my blood and urine results from my last doctor's appointment came in: my blood type is O+; I don't have anemia, syphilis or HIV; and I'm immune to rubella. All is well! My 14-week appointment is next Wednesday, August 12.

By the way, here's a teaser for a new feature to be added next week: Bump Watch '09. Stay tuned!

Fletch Lives

The polls officially closed on July 31, and the results are in: Fletch is the winner of the "Mike's Ridiculous Baby Names" poll. At first, I thought this was an odd choice, but then I realized that it is the only real name listed. Thank you, people, for not voting Hornet!

Next up is your more standard baby poll. In the words of MTV, Vote or Die!

Father speaks with a tone of dissapointment

The response to "The Bloody Show" is simply unacceptable. I need to know the thoughts of the people. Cast your votes people. This is not a one-way street of information. I need feedback. Unless of course I do not agree with what you write, then I will publicly scold you and ban you from subscribing. But seriously, who wants "The Bloody Show"!?!? (notice the exclamation point first, then the question mark. That is how serious I am right now.)

I would now like to respond publicly to those of you who have talked back to Father. First, Anonymous. I like your positive vibes and your idea. A poll broadening the choices is a solid suggestion. However, I would like for you to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and smart enough to come out in the open and show yourself for who you really are. You don't need to hide behind a veil of Internet anonymity. People will like you, I promise. That's all the confidence building I can do for free, but if you need more, give me a call at the office. For a small fee I can also tell you that your childhood experiences are not your fault.

Now, Mamacita. I want to verbally flog you, but I can't bring myself to do it. Your position is logically sound and I share some of your beliefs. But, you're wrong about "The Bloody Show." I hope that some day you will embrace it.

I would also like to respond to some private feedback I have received. First, I must call out Jane Graves. (And if you don't like being called out publicly, then maybe you shouldn't have told me I'm not good looking enough to be a fire man. I'm just saying.) Readers, I present you with a snippet of an email received from my mother about 15 minutes after I posted:

"What an interesting name on the blog. You do know that when the mom gets close to labor she might lose her mucus plug and it is called a bloody show? Or was that what you were going for?"

My mother also stated that she knew I was being funny, but thought I might just be going for some "British comedy." Well, I'm bloody sorry mom, but your sarcasm detector is at an all-time low. I actually toyed with the idea of mucus plug as a domain name, but thought it lacked the fun of all the dual meanings. On a side note, there is actually quite a debate out there about whether the bloody show and the loss of the mucus plug are the same thing. Please feel free to read this riveting dialogue on the topic from one of the mothering web sites I now frequent: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=487394

Next on my list: Pam. Pam told me that she didn't want to respond because she didn't want to "pick sides." That is no fun and frankly unacceptable. You will pick sides and you'd better pick mine. Otherwise, I just might be inclined to purchase boxes and boxes of Star Wars toys for Tim's birthday this year. I'm not above that.

Well, that's it for now. Sorry if this post rambled on some, but I'm loving this platform. I feel a strange power when I think of all those people who just want baby news and have to sift through this nonsense to attain it. I am sorry if I was hard on anybody today, but you should know that it hurt me more than it hurt you...

Father

P.S. A special shout-out to all of my NorCal subscribers. I hear a groundswell of support is rising there.

Welcome to the Bloody Show

Be aware that I will now refer to you as my readers. Or my subscribers. Nevertheless, I want all of my followers to know that the censorship has already begun. The "creativity shackles" are firmly fastened to my typing fingers. I have tried to explain to the "Czar of all things baby" that my people need to hear my unfiltered thoughts. They need total access to my "song of fatherhood," if you will. I want this blog to be a genuine account of the Grave's plunge into parenthood. Apparently, Fuhrer Mindy wants this blog to be a rag of propaganda. She desires to fill this forum with Pollyanna-like half truths. I will not stand by idly and allow this to happen. Disciples, know that you have my word: I will speak nothing but truth.

Allow me to elaborate on my cry for freedom. Mindy has been steadfast in denying the use of "TheBloodyShow" as our blog domain name. She finds the words vulgar and believe they stir up graphic and unnecessary visual images. I find the title catchy, memorable and humorous. I believe it has a bold flare and encapsulates the journey on which we now depart. Indeed, what more is life than one big bloody show?

So, having heard the debate, it is time for you to weigh in. If you feel that "The bloody show" is a good domain name please reply with the words, "I love the bloody show." If you are against the domain name, please reply with one of the following phrases: "I am uptight and possess a limited sense of humor," "I am against free speech and all things America," or "I am on Mindy's side in all issues pertaining to the Grave's marriage." These are your only options, because they are the only possible reasons to not be pro the bloody show.

Well, my minions, that concludes my virgin foray into blogging. This is the point where I have to come up with a good "sign out" tag line. And since "stay classy planet earth" has already been taken, it may take me a few posts to settle on one. I think I will start by experimenting with timeless parental phrases until I find one that makes sense and just rolls off my tongue. Goodbye for now.

I'll give you something to cry about,
Father

More to Love

Yesterday marked a momentous first occasion in my pregnancy: yesterday was the first time I had to leave the top button of my pants unbuttoned! In the last two weeks, I have definitely noticed that my clothes are starting to feel a little more snug around the middle. Maternity clothes and belly bands may be in the near future for me!

Sweet Reilly Boy

Many of you have expressed concern about Reilly's previous post. I am writing to allay all of your fears - last weekend, Reilly was introduced to 2-week-old Baby Jack and 4-month-old Baby Haley, and I'm pleased to report that all went well. Not to say that he wasn't extremely curious about these miniature people - every time either of them made a noise, he stared at them with a quizzical look. Mike and I think he was trying to figure out exactly what they were - definitely not a dog, and yet too small to be a human? But don't worry, no psychological Jihad ensued. However, germ warfare is another story...as evidenced by him trying to put his snout in Jack and Haley's faces multiple times. In all seriousness, Reilly was very gentle and I'm not too worried about him with G-Baby. In fact, we babysat Haley one night last week, and Reilly kept going into our room to check on her as she slept. But you didn't hear that from me...I'm sure he won't like to hear how I'm ruining his tough dog image.

It's a ruff life

I must speak. It is time for the airing of grievances.

Nobody asked me if I wanted a baby around the house. I bet they're not going to make it stay outside when they go to work (or whatever it is Mike does). I promise you that the Graves' don't taunt the new child with promises of walks that never happen or treats that never appear. I grow tired of existing at the mercy of these humans. Now I have to fight for affection with one of their own kind. I want my owners to be fully aware that I do not support there decision to pro-create. I stand firm in my opposition to Mike ever being responsible for another living organism. Let it be known that I officially declare war against the new human beast. Indeed, "neither can live while the other survives."

Don't worry Richard Graves, I'm not going to eat the thing. (That's right I'm calling you out sir. Don't think I don't hear you when you disparage my reputation in public). The truth is I am far too lazy and cowardly to engage in physical violence. But the baby better be ready for the psychological Jihad I'm about to perpetrate. I am going to unleash a fury of passive aggressive tactics that will leave it crying for mercy. Plus, let's be real for a moment, we all know that I am going to be much cuter than the infant. Judging from those sonogram photos we don't have a real looker on our paws here. I'm going to hit this household with a storm of cuteness and pouting the likes of which this family has never seen. It is on people.

Reilly Dog Out!

G-Baby is a Video Star

For those of you who are REALLY interested (read: parents), here is an 8-minute video of our ultrasound. It's pretty neat when the baby moves!

I'm new with this whole blogging thing, so I'm still trying to figure out how to post video. For now, to view the video, just click on the title above, "G-Baby is a Video Star."

As a great songwriter once said: "B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A"

On this day seven years ago, Mike and I got married. A lot has happened in these last seven years – we moved to Austin, we bought a house, we adopted a dog, we sold the non-air conditioned Escort…and we now have one more milestone to add to the list: we are going to have a baby! (Some of you may have noticed the logical procession towards parenthood.) Our baby, whom we will affectionately refer to as G-Baby, is due February 4, 2010, so the countdown to parenthood is on!

We first found that I am pregnant a few weeks before we went on our Mexico vay-cay, and so, as some of you Nancy Drews out there noticed, I was never photographed with an adult beverage in my hand. We actually met a lot of nice people on our trip, and we ended up blabbing the news to them. It was a little strange that so many complete strangers knew before some of our closest friends!

Mike and I went to my first doctor appointment last week. During the ultrasound, the technician had a hard time finding the baby at first, which caused some major anxiety for a few moments. She finally found the baby, and Mike and I got our first look at G-Baby. It was surreal to finally see our little baby (an already an active baby at that!) and we also got to hear the heartbeat! Here are some pics from the ultrasound. Mike and I personally think G-Baby looks like Lord Voldemort in this picture:

Here's a good one of G-Baby's profile:

G-Baby's tiny feet:

All in all, the doctor told us all is well and G-Baby is healthy. I’m 11 weeks, so we’ve only got 3 more to go until we’re out of the first trimester. I’m hoping that once I’m in the second trimester, the uber-sensitivity to motion sickness and propensity to fatigue will go away!