Not Miss Piggy After All

I'm sure most of you readers read this title and thought this was a reference to one of my earlier posts where I shared that Mike told me I was "packing on the lbs." However, this post is strictly health-related - I would like to confirm that I do NOT have H1N1 after all! I stayed home from work yesterday with fever, an upset stomach, and fatigue. Mike came home and said a co-worker had the same symptoms and was diagnosed with H1N1. So to be on the safe side, I stayed home from work again today and went to the doctor. After a very unpleasant nasal swab, the test results came back negative. The doctor also thought my symptoms are not flu-related, so hopefully this little bug I have will go away so that G-Baby and I can feel better soon!

Stryker Watch 09'

Greetings Team Stryker. This is a post of celebration. Victory is ours. Since the news of our offspring's maleness I have been campaigning round the clock for the name Stryker. I have attacked Mindy from all sides: rational arguments, humor, positive reinforcement, crying spells. Nothing has worked. But just when I thought she had become an unmovable mountain of common sense, a miracle occurred. I looked her right in the eye and she blinked. She is on her heals now.

Allow me to explain. One of the tactics I have employed is floating the idea of using Stryker as a middle name. The largest obstacle to this is that I am the third in a string of Eugenes. Three consecutive generations of Graves men have held the regal middle name of Eugene. So my conundrum has been how do I fulfill my dream without abandoning my ancestors? Eugene-Stryker? Streugene? Then it hit me. An answer so obvious I don't know how I have missed it these past few weeks. To my utter disbelief and glee, Mindy agreed that if I could bring my idea to fruition the middle name of our first born will be Stryker. This is why there is dancing in the streets of Leander tonight.

Now all I have to do is convince my Father and my Grandfather to legally change their middle names to Stryker. I am asking my readers to please contact your closest Graves' male and implore them to do their duty. Together we can make this happen.

Faithfully,
Michael Stryker Graves

Three Men and a Little Lady

Come February, the Graves household is going to get a surge in testerone - G-Baby is a boy! G-Baby was very cooperative during today's ultrasound and obligingly showed us within minutes that there is no doubt he's a boy (see picture below). However, Mike would like to point out that all that this picture confirms is that G-Baby is at least part boy...we won't rule out that he's not a hermaphrodite until we see him at birth!

Earlier this week, a co-worker Rachel told me she thought G-Baby was a girl because of the high heart rate. My office mate Gina thought it might be a girl because I haven't seen signs of "the hairy line." Daddy P was convinced it was a girl because I kept getting motion sickness. In the end, Chris, Jenee, and my dad were all right about G-Baby being a boy! To be honest, I was hoping for a girl, but as Mike pointed out, genders of the opposite sex tend to have better relationships, so I guess this works out better for me!

In other ultrasound-related news, the stenographer and doctor said all of G-Baby's measurements are within the normal range and there don't appear to be any signs of genetic defects or disorders. Apparently, G-Baby was all hopped up on the natural sugars in grapes, because he was very busy moving around in the womb during our appointment - the stenographer was amazed at how much he kept moving. Here's a good picture of G-Baby:

For those of you interested in the latest in the name update, now that we know that G-Baby is a boy, Mike is currently championing Striker or Stryker. For someone who works with troubled adolescents, you would think he would know how tramautic a name like Striker/Stryker will be! By the way, Mike tried to negotiate a deal with me in the doctor's office: if I agree to give him unconditional naming rights for G-Baby, he will not only agree to have a second child, but he will let me pick the name. Request denied.

And now, let the name battle and nursery bonanza begin!

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood"

While killing some time today at an elementary school, I decided I'd participate in a game or two of America's favorite pastime: Dodgeball. Although this is not the point of the story, you should know that I am a pretty dominant 4th grade dodgeball player. Anyway, me and the other members of team 2 are in our stances ready to sprint to the middle of the field of battle to retrieve the balls. This kid next to me, who I've never seen before in my life, turns to me and says these words: "I get my power from baseball." Seriously, how does one respond to this? "Really, I get my power from the extra 95 pounds I have on you?" I had nothing. He then went on to fill me in on his travels and exploits in the world of "select" little league baseball. I'm trying to pretend like I'm paying attention to this, but my focus is distracted by another young stranger who is repeatedly alternating between pointing at me and his flexed bicep. Of course I got a kick out of this, so I gave him the "Meet the Parents" "I'm watching you" signal. Well, I clearly should not have engaged this future Oregon Duck, because things escalated quickly. He went straight to the throat slashing gesture. Before I could register that my life had just been threatened by a nine year old, the horn had sounded and the game was under way. I'll spare the details of the beat down that we put on those little punks (I mean how could we lose with a "select" player on our team?). I just want to say that I am now officially afraid to be a parent. If my child (after the age of 8 and barring any socially impairing disability) turns to a complete stranger and without even a hello proceeds to explain why they are awesome, they will be immediately disowned. The throat slashing I can at least understand. I mean why the hell was a 30 year old man intruding on a children's game of dodgeball. I'd try to decapitate that bastard too.

Dear Mrs. Kempf

I hear you love the "Bloody Show". I want to personally thank you for taking the time to read this blog and support our offspring. If you ever want some reliable fantasy football advice, I mean from somebody who has actually won your husband's fantasy football league, please don't hesitate to ask. This is the greatest gift I have to give. I also encourage you to join in on the prenatal festivities by commenting on the blog any time you want. Your mothering expertise and taste in humor is valued and welcomed. I await that magical moment when we meet face to face.

Daddy

The Real G-Baby Update

I hear our readers would like an update that is relevant to G-Baby. So here's the latest...

Today, I am 18 weeks along. G-Baby weighs almost 7 ounces and is about 5 1/2 inches long...or the size of a bell pepper. Tonight, I heard Mike tell his mom on the phone that I'm "packing on the LBs" so I thought some of you might be interested to see my growing baby bump.

Week 17: Week 18:

Only six more days until we find out if G-Baby is a boy or a girl!

Breaking News

Our appointment on September 9th, where we hope to pinpoint a gender, has been changed. It is now at 4:10 pm instead of 3:30 pm. Stay tuned for further developments.

On the baby front...

Nothing new has happened. That is all.

The five most overrated mothers of all time

You want something baby related? Here ya go.

5. Mother Goose
4. Octomom
3. Mamacita
2. Pamelamers
1. Mother Teresa

This is the best post ever!!!!

Welcome to my first re-occurring column. Tune in daily to view top 5 lists of overrated things in a variety of categories.

Today's category is people. I am going to start with the honorable mentions then unveil my comprehensive list of the most overrated people of eternity.

The following are all overrated: Mia Michaels, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Joan of Arc, Shakespeare, Renee Zellweger, Rafael Nadal, Angelina Jolie, Samuel L. Jackson, Mick Jagger, George Washington, Cleopatra, Oprah, Tim Tebow, and Michelle Kwan.

Drum roll please..... Ladies and gentleman, your top five.

5. Mother Theresa (don't be fooled, she was a self promoting machine)
4. Paul Revere (a person with an IQ of 60 could have accomplished his task)
3. Princess Diana (if you get cheated on people love you)
2. Christopher Columbus (we have a national holiday for the ninth guy to "discover" the new world)
1. David Archuletta (Those torturous weeks that he stayed on America Idol I thought somebody was slipping me crazy pills)

Feel free to debate this list, but if you believe that anybody included above has worth that matches their hype you are just wrong.