Devices of propaganda and misinformation

Baby shirts are the spawn (that's for you Candie) of liars. The say so many things that just aren't true. For example, Cameron was sporting a shirt today that said "Daddy's Number 1 Draft Pick." Nobody checked with daddy about that. The first pick in a draft is not a place for sentimental statements or feel-good gestures. It is the foundation of your franchise. Ask Michael Jordan about wasting draft picks. Although, Cameron may be a better pick than Adam Morrison. He definitely has better hair and may in fact cry less. Anyway, back to my point, I have never given my son or anybody any indication that I would be taking my spawn (I can't stop now) in the first round of any draft. Even if I later coach my son in recreational sports and we are conducting a draft to fill out our teams, he is not guaranteed to be my first overall pick. You have to earn that spot. Plus, I might be able to scoop Cam up in a later round because other general managers, errrrrr fathers, might not want to tear apart a family. It's that kind of scheming and value drafting that builds a dynasty. And let me tell you, the thought of someday drafting preadolescent boys gets me really excited. Wait, that sounded weird, somehow we got off track. What I'm saying is the shirt lies. Cameron and I did however reach a compromise this morning regarding the situation. I told him that I would always select him (as a write-in player) in the final round of any fantasy football draft (in lieu of a kicker). He responded to this statement with a huge smile. Apparently a mix of realism and love makes my son really happy. I do what I can.

On a totally unrelated note, I would like to make a public statement to an anonymous friend. Dear friend: Remember the other day when Mindy walked into the room and you started making loud baby crying noises, thereby eliciting crickets and quizzical glances, and then you promised that once we watched this week's episode of The Office we would be laughing hysterically? You know who you are now right? Okay, well now that I have seen the episode I want to say the following. Your verbal attempts to stimulate lactation in my wife's breasts is in no way humorous. In fact, I find your behavior grossly inappropriate. I have never tried to increase the milk flow from your wife in any way. I expect the same courtesy. Besides that stuff is not to be wasted in wet secrets. Any excess needs to be jarred and refrigerated immediately. So please cease your socially maladjusted and borderline sexually delinquent behavior. I appreciate your cooperation in this matter. Good day.

No mo nipple confusion

The man has his nipples down. He can go from bottle, to pacifier, to teat like nobodies business. We even lined them all up, blindfolded Cameron, and had him participate in a suck test. Dude wasn't fazed. He knows his nipples.

So Mindy is now putting Cameron in dresses. I just thought everyone should know. We were giving him his nightly bath this week and she whips out this "sleeping gown." She proceeds to provide a long-winded rationale about how the "gown" makes diaper changes far easier during the night. She says this to me like I'm not aware that dresses provide easier access. Anyway, I listened patiently to her reasoning (because I heard from a wise man at a wedding the other day that listening is the most important part of communication) and decided the "sleeping gown" was actually somewhat logical. Now I'm waiting to hear how she justifies the rouge and tiara I found him in this afternoon. Even our neutered dog thinks the emasculation has gone too far.

The King Still Lives!

As Mike wrote last week, when we visited my office last week, two people independently commented that Cameron looked like Elvis. I was going through some of Cam's hand-me-downs today, and I found an Elvis onesie! Here's our little hound dog:

And here's the King in his prime:

Is there a resemblance? Cast your vote to the left.

Health Care Reform Bill Critique

I have only one point. But, it must be said. Somebody must speak up in defense of our Jersey Shore brothers and sisters. A ten percent tax on indoor tanning?!?! How is the Situation supposed to afford his GTL? A pale Situation is nothing I ever want to imagine. Bring the fist down my son, this is not a day for pumping.

What Happens When Mommy's Away...

Today I went out for a pedicure while Mike stayed home with Cameron. When I came home, I immediately noticed that Cameron was wearing a different outfit than when I left. Apparently, there was "a situation" while I was gone. (Warning to those with queasy stomachs.)

As you can see, Cameron threw up all over himself, so Mike took him into the bathroom to wash him off. He was about to put him into the bathtub when Cameron then peed all over the bath rug. After expelling various bodily fluids, Cam was exhausted and was sleeping peacefully in Mike's arms when I got home. Meanwhile, there was some smelly laundry waiting in the washing machine...

Miniature Guido

Well, it looks like we have a future cast member of Jersey Shores on our hands - Cameron loves to fist pump!

Maybe for Halloween this year we'll put some bronzer on him and make him wear a gold necklace. Snooki, eat your heart out!

Friend or Foe?

Last weekend, Cameron met Kevin Hoard. Kevin is just two weeks younger than Cameron.



Will they be friends...(by the way, check out Cameron throwing the peace sign!)

...or foes?

One Month Pictures

A couple of weeks ago, Cameron turned one-month-old. We had seen on Pamelamers and Mamacita's blogs that they documented their children's growth each month by taking pictures of them next to objects, like a stuffed animal or volleyball. Mike and I thought this was a nice tradition, but we thought we'd go in a slightly different direction. Instead of taking Cameron's picture next to an object, we decided to take his picture next to Mike. That way, we can document his growth through his adolescent and teenage years - yes, we are those dorky parents!

Without further adieu, here are Cameron's one-month pictures:

Best Friends?

In Mike's last blog entry, he addressed Reilly's relationship with Cameron. Below is pictorial evidence that Reilly really does like Cameron, despite his recent depressive episodes.

Enter Sandman

Cameron snores! You'll have to turn up the volume to hear the zzz's.

A Few Pics

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Cameron. I know I'm biased, but how can you not help but think this baby is absolutely adorable?!?

Here's Cameron's first sponge bath in the kitchen sink:

Here's some quality skin-to-skin time with daddy:

Sleepy Cameron:

Stern Cameron:

Strong Cameron flexing his biceps, with Mike's help:

Cameron "kissing" Mike (he was actually rooting on his cheek!):

The Veil of Silence is Broken

For those of you who are paying attention, my last blog entry was February 8. I've copied and pasted the last sentence of that posting word for word: "A more detailed birth story will be coming soon, once I catch up on some sleep." Emphasis added, as "once" is the operative word in this sentence. All of you experienced parents out there must have read this and thought to yourself, "Ha ha (condescending laughter)! Mindy's naivete is so cute...little does she know she will never catch up on sleep in the near future!"

Well, this is definitely true. I've learned that I won't be catching up on sleep anytime soon, but I'm learning how to function on less sleep. Cameron will sleep anywhere between four to five hours at night and we're developing a routine during the day, which means that I'm slowly getting things done around the house. I've been meaning to blog for a long time now, so don't think I've forgotten you, dear readers.

As for the promised birth account, I will post that sometime soon. It's not like there's a huge demand for all the details, but I would like to have it recorded in the blogosphere for posterity's sake. Stay tuned...

The Real Housewives of Leander

So I am on spring break this week and therefore getting a sneak peak of what it is like to be a stay-at-home Mom. From what I can tell it consists of a lot of nursing, talking in a high pitched voice, and watching Bravo. And man does that Bravo have some quality television. Slade is such a douche and a serial housewife dater, but I could watch Andy interview that dude all day. It's like Frost-Nixon for our generation. Simply spellbinding.

Let's see, what else is new? Cameron's hair continues to be his calling card. People love the hair. It actually is quite impressive that I spawned a child who was born with a remarkably similar hair style as my own. But we don't even have to style his hair, it just looks that way. Is that weird that I think the feature we have most in common is our hair style? Could that be genetic? Regardless, his hair is hella cool. We tried to sculpt it into a faux hawk this week, but he doesn't quite have the volume for that yet. Hopefully soon.

So Mindy has started with the pumping. That's quite a thing to behold. It looks like something Willy Wonka would have created, except with a little more of a livestock flair. Very cool, yet deeply disturbing at the same time. Regardless, her milkings have been productive and Cameron drank from his first bottle today. Needless to say, Mindy is very excited about this development as it opens up a world of possibilities for her life. She doesn't always have to be at the beckoned call of that little milk monster. And he even seems to have avoided the dreaded nipple confusion that I've heard so much about since birth. I swear that is like one of four phrases that you need to know to be a lactation consultant. In fact, if a lactation consultant can find a way to work the words "latch" and "nipple confusion" into one sentence, then you've pretty much heard everything they have to say right there.

I know that some people might want a Reilly update. Well he's adjusting okay, but he also seems to have slipped into a bit of a depression. Recently, he's started getting up off of the couch and going to bed at like 6 pm. And then he just stays in bed until around 10 a.m. He's skipping meals, he refuses to blog...I'm starting to get a little concerned. But in all seriousness, he is really gentle and sweet with Cameron. When Mindy and I come home, Reilly has the routine of excitedly running up to each of us and then back to the other one multiple times (don't you love dogs). I bring this up, because he has now added Cameron to his rounds of greeting. He'll run over to the car seat and then back to one of us then back to the car seat. It's really cute. And then other times, when Cameron is screaming he'll look over at me with an expression that says "if you do not take care of this, I will." Then he gets up and goes to bed.

All and all, things have been going well. The sleep is improving. Our general level of anxiety is going down. Life is starting to fall into more of a routine. I promise that we will get more pictures posted at some point soon. I can say that Cameron has been packing on the pounds lately. It's amazing how different he looks than just a few weeks ago. Oddly, he was told on two separate instances today that he looks like Elvis. Which, when you take into account the side burn growth and recent weight gain, might not be a compliment. I fear this might be washed-up, bloated, drug-addicted Elvis we are talking about here. Oh well, even at that point the King still had cool hair.

And those are all of the odds and ends that are jumping into my mind this evening. Thanks for reading. Father bids you a good night.

Tummy Time goes Topsy Turvy

I believe in depicting parenthood through the majesty of the written word. But since the people are calling for more visual aids, I suppose I will oblige. This video clearly shows that our son is a world class athlete. Hit play and behold the feats of strength.