I see that the people have voted against spanking. I wonder how they would feel to find out that other individuals in this house have been subjected to painful blasts of electrical current when they do not conform? Is this as shocking to you as it is to me? Of course not, since I'm the one being sent to the electric chair every time I make a mistake. To error as a human is a pithy saying; to error as a dog is 200 volts to the brain.
In the name of justice, I ask that the human child be reared in the same manner as I. If it's okay to put that lightning collar around my neck, I'm assuming the new baby will be tortured accordingly. And if my feeble human masters are too soft to train the baby, I will be happy to help them out. Put the button under my paw and see what happens. I will light that baby up!
Reilly Dog out.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
To Spank or not to Spank...
I notice that the poll on spanking is deadlocked at 2 to 2. And there are only three days to go. This is not a very good turn out to the ballot box. Nor is it helpful at all in shaping our child rearing views (since I ardently believe to always do what is most popular at the moment.)
I can only think of a few possible reasons why people have not voted. Since I refuse to believe that people just aren’t visiting our blog anymore, I’m assuming that you all are stumped on this issue. Therefore, I thought I would do some research to help inform your decisions. I found two scholarly articles that outline the arguments for and against corporal punishment. Please use these articles as a reference in making up your mind. Then cast your vote. G-Baby’s buttock is in your hands!
Spanking Definitely Hurts the Child More Than You
By Dr. Brady Wusseface
1. Spanking is ineffective: Spanking a child will stop the child from misbehaving for the moment, but studies have shown that the child's compliance will only last for a short time. Better ideas for intervention include asking the child nicely, putting the child in their toy-stocked room for an extended period of time, or begging the child to please listen.
2. It may trigger criminal, anti-social, violent, aggressive behavior later in life: A longitudinal study of 442 boys born in 1972, found that one out of every three boys -- those who have a specific version of a gene -- who was maltreated during childhood will be almost certain to now be fans and ardent supporters of Michael Vick.
3. It has been linked to many adult problems: Corporal punishment studies have linked spanking during childhood to higher levels of ugly feelings, country music listening, and conservatism as an adult. It was also found that 93% of carnies were spanked throughout their childhood.
4. Spanking lowers a child’s IQ: This is why it was banned in Texas schools after the recent emphasis on standardized testing.
5. It hurts the child: Most children who are about to be spanked report that they don’t want to be spanked because it is going to hurt.
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child
By Christian Wallop, Ph.D.
1. "Spanking was good for me; I turned out OK. It should be good for my children.” Aka, the revenge principle. Research demonstrates that individuals spanked as a child wait their whole life for the opportunity to smack somebody without consequence.
2. Spanking is the only method of discipline for toddlers who cannot understand reason and explanations. Studies have shown that children do in fact experience pain at an early age when they are struck forcefully. They will then use their inability to reason to associate this with nothing and just look at you confused.
3. The eight strongest studies demonstrate beneficial outcomes from corporal punishment. Children of spankers demonstrate a propensity to outwardly agree with their parents, thereby greatly improving their scores on parent-completed child outcome measures.
4. Since parents started to abandon spanking, youth violence has increased. This is a fact. There are currently studies under way to determine if increases in autism, on-line social networking, and the swine flu are also brought about by our failure to hit children.
5. God commands us to spank our children. There are many pro corporal punishment statements in the Bible. In fact, according to exegesis, when Jesus says “bring the children to me,” he also uses the Hebrew word “whackass,” which translates to the English “switch” or “paddle.”
I can only think of a few possible reasons why people have not voted. Since I refuse to believe that people just aren’t visiting our blog anymore, I’m assuming that you all are stumped on this issue. Therefore, I thought I would do some research to help inform your decisions. I found two scholarly articles that outline the arguments for and against corporal punishment. Please use these articles as a reference in making up your mind. Then cast your vote. G-Baby’s buttock is in your hands!
Spanking Definitely Hurts the Child More Than You
By Dr. Brady Wusseface
1. Spanking is ineffective: Spanking a child will stop the child from misbehaving for the moment, but studies have shown that the child's compliance will only last for a short time. Better ideas for intervention include asking the child nicely, putting the child in their toy-stocked room for an extended period of time, or begging the child to please listen.
2. It may trigger criminal, anti-social, violent, aggressive behavior later in life: A longitudinal study of 442 boys born in 1972, found that one out of every three boys -- those who have a specific version of a gene -- who was maltreated during childhood will be almost certain to now be fans and ardent supporters of Michael Vick.
3. It has been linked to many adult problems: Corporal punishment studies have linked spanking during childhood to higher levels of ugly feelings, country music listening, and conservatism as an adult. It was also found that 93% of carnies were spanked throughout their childhood.
4. Spanking lowers a child’s IQ: This is why it was banned in Texas schools after the recent emphasis on standardized testing.
5. It hurts the child: Most children who are about to be spanked report that they don’t want to be spanked because it is going to hurt.
Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child
By Christian Wallop, Ph.D.
1. "Spanking was good for me; I turned out OK. It should be good for my children.” Aka, the revenge principle. Research demonstrates that individuals spanked as a child wait their whole life for the opportunity to smack somebody without consequence.
2. Spanking is the only method of discipline for toddlers who cannot understand reason and explanations. Studies have shown that children do in fact experience pain at an early age when they are struck forcefully. They will then use their inability to reason to associate this with nothing and just look at you confused.
3. The eight strongest studies demonstrate beneficial outcomes from corporal punishment. Children of spankers demonstrate a propensity to outwardly agree with their parents, thereby greatly improving their scores on parent-completed child outcome measures.
4. Since parents started to abandon spanking, youth violence has increased. This is a fact. There are currently studies under way to determine if increases in autism, on-line social networking, and the swine flu are also brought about by our failure to hit children.
5. God commands us to spank our children. There are many pro corporal punishment statements in the Bible. In fact, according to exegesis, when Jesus says “bring the children to me,” he also uses the Hebrew word “whackass,” which translates to the English “switch” or “paddle.”
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace." - Paris Hilton
Papa is preparing nuggets of wisdom to share with his spawn. He thinks to himself, "self, why not share them with your followers as well?" Behold, a glimpse of an intimate and tender exchange between father and zygote. I'm about to make it rain wisdom up in here....
Dear G-Baby,
This is father. You are welcome for the life I have bestowed upon you. Now, I want to give you something even more precious: my knowledge. All of the following are facts.
1) Always take a running back in the first round of a fantasy football draft.
2) Never firmly commit to a social engagement - a "maybe" makes it easier to back out later.
3) Going to school is better than working.
4) Death is to be feared and dreaded - this is rational.
5) Lazy eyes are subtly sexy.
6) Never trust a man with red hair.
7) Generic brands at the grocery store are usually okay - generic Oreos are not.
8) Do not bother learning cursive.
9) The following are fictional creations: Santa, Toothfairy, college football national champions.
10) Everything is better with cheese.
11) Why go places when you can watch them on T.V. for a minimal charge?
12) If somebody tells you they need 110% out of you, explain to them that this is both physically and mathematically impossible.
13) Toll roads and payed parking are creations of the devil.
14) Stretch your hips and hamstrings consistently and starting at a young age (so now would be a good time).
15) And whenever in doubt ask yourself this one question: "What would Tim Tebow do?"
Now I would like for you, faithful reader, to wipe the tears from your eyes and contribute to this list o' truth. What words of wisdom do you have for G-Baby?
Hugs,
Father
Dear G-Baby,
This is father. You are welcome for the life I have bestowed upon you. Now, I want to give you something even more precious: my knowledge. All of the following are facts.
1) Always take a running back in the first round of a fantasy football draft.
2) Never firmly commit to a social engagement - a "maybe" makes it easier to back out later.
3) Going to school is better than working.
4) Death is to be feared and dreaded - this is rational.
5) Lazy eyes are subtly sexy.
6) Never trust a man with red hair.
7) Generic brands at the grocery store are usually okay - generic Oreos are not.
8) Do not bother learning cursive.
9) The following are fictional creations: Santa, Toothfairy, college football national champions.
10) Everything is better with cheese.
11) Why go places when you can watch them on T.V. for a minimal charge?
12) If somebody tells you they need 110% out of you, explain to them that this is both physically and mathematically impossible.
13) Toll roads and payed parking are creations of the devil.
14) Stretch your hips and hamstrings consistently and starting at a young age (so now would be a good time).
15) And whenever in doubt ask yourself this one question: "What would Tim Tebow do?"
Now I would like for you, faithful reader, to wipe the tears from your eyes and contribute to this list o' truth. What words of wisdom do you have for G-Baby?
Hugs,
Father
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Beat Goes On...
Yesterday was my 14-week appointment, and all is well! I got to hear G-Baby's heartbeat, which was beating at 158 beats per minute! We also set a big date...on September 9, we will find out if G-Baby stands for Gilbert or Gilberta. I can't wait!
By the way, for those of you wondering, Mike and I decided not to do any genetic testing at this stage. The results wouldn't really affect our decision to carry the baby full-term, so we are just hoping that genetic history will be kind to us.
In other news, I am 15 weeks today. G-Baby is the size of an apple. Like Lacy O. said once, isn't it weird that our babies get compared to things we eat?!?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
182 Days and Counting...
It's official...the second trimester has begun. As of today, I'm 14 weeks. According to BabyCenter.com, G-Baby is now the size of a lemon. Here's a shout-out to Lacy O. for referring me to BabyCenter.com!
Also, my blood and urine results from my last doctor's appointment came in: my blood type is O+; I don't have anemia, syphilis or HIV; and I'm immune to rubella. All is well! My 14-week appointment is next Wednesday, August 12.
By the way, here's a teaser for a new feature to be added next week: Bump Watch '09. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Fletch Lives
The polls officially closed on July 31, and the results are in: Fletch is the winner of the "Mike's Ridiculous Baby Names" poll. At first, I thought this was an odd choice, but then I realized that it is the only real name listed. Thank you, people, for not voting Hornet!
Next up is your more standard baby poll. In the words of MTV, Vote or Die!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Father speaks with a tone of dissapointment
The response to "The Bloody Show" is simply unacceptable. I need to know the thoughts of the people. Cast your votes people. This is not a one-way street of information. I need feedback. Unless of course I do not agree with what you write, then I will publicly scold you and ban you from subscribing. But seriously, who wants "The Bloody Show"!?!? (notice the exclamation point first, then the question mark. That is how serious I am right now.)
I would now like to respond publicly to those of you who have talked back to Father. First, Anonymous. I like your positive vibes and your idea. A poll broadening the choices is a solid suggestion. However, I would like for you to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and smart enough to come out in the open and show yourself for who you really are. You don't need to hide behind a veil of Internet anonymity. People will like you, I promise. That's all the confidence building I can do for free, but if you need more, give me a call at the office. For a small fee I can also tell you that your childhood experiences are not your fault.
Now, Mamacita. I want to verbally flog you, but I can't bring myself to do it. Your position is logically sound and I share some of your beliefs. But, you're wrong about "The Bloody Show." I hope that some day you will embrace it.
I would also like to respond to some private feedback I have received. First, I must call out Jane Graves. (And if you don't like being called out publicly, then maybe you shouldn't have told me I'm not good looking enough to be a fire man. I'm just saying.) Readers, I present you with a snippet of an email received from my mother about 15 minutes after I posted:
"What an interesting name on the blog. You do know that when the mom gets close to labor she might lose her mucus plug and it is called a bloody show? Or was that what you were going for?"
My mother also stated that she knew I was being funny, but thought I might just be going for some "British comedy." Well, I'm bloody sorry mom, but your sarcasm detector is at an all-time low. I actually toyed with the idea of mucus plug as a domain name, but thought it lacked the fun of all the dual meanings. On a side note, there is actually quite a debate out there about whether the bloody show and the loss of the mucus plug are the same thing. Please feel free to read this riveting dialogue on the topic from one of the mothering web sites I now frequent: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=487394
Next on my list: Pam. Pam told me that she didn't want to respond because she didn't want to "pick sides." That is no fun and frankly unacceptable. You will pick sides and you'd better pick mine. Otherwise, I just might be inclined to purchase boxes and boxes of Star Wars toys for Tim's birthday this year. I'm not above that.
Well, that's it for now. Sorry if this post rambled on some, but I'm loving this platform. I feel a strange power when I think of all those people who just want baby news and have to sift through this nonsense to attain it. I am sorry if I was hard on anybody today, but you should know that it hurt me more than it hurt you...
Father
P.S. A special shout-out to all of my NorCal subscribers. I hear a groundswell of support is rising there.
I would now like to respond publicly to those of you who have talked back to Father. First, Anonymous. I like your positive vibes and your idea. A poll broadening the choices is a solid suggestion. However, I would like for you to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and smart enough to come out in the open and show yourself for who you really are. You don't need to hide behind a veil of Internet anonymity. People will like you, I promise. That's all the confidence building I can do for free, but if you need more, give me a call at the office. For a small fee I can also tell you that your childhood experiences are not your fault.
Now, Mamacita. I want to verbally flog you, but I can't bring myself to do it. Your position is logically sound and I share some of your beliefs. But, you're wrong about "The Bloody Show." I hope that some day you will embrace it.
I would also like to respond to some private feedback I have received. First, I must call out Jane Graves. (And if you don't like being called out publicly, then maybe you shouldn't have told me I'm not good looking enough to be a fire man. I'm just saying.) Readers, I present you with a snippet of an email received from my mother about 15 minutes after I posted:
"What an interesting name on the blog. You do know that when the mom gets close to labor she might lose her mucus plug and it is called a bloody show? Or was that what you were going for?"
My mother also stated that she knew I was being funny, but thought I might just be going for some "British comedy." Well, I'm bloody sorry mom, but your sarcasm detector is at an all-time low. I actually toyed with the idea of mucus plug as a domain name, but thought it lacked the fun of all the dual meanings. On a side note, there is actually quite a debate out there about whether the bloody show and the loss of the mucus plug are the same thing. Please feel free to read this riveting dialogue on the topic from one of the mothering web sites I now frequent: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=487394
Next on my list: Pam. Pam told me that she didn't want to respond because she didn't want to "pick sides." That is no fun and frankly unacceptable. You will pick sides and you'd better pick mine. Otherwise, I just might be inclined to purchase boxes and boxes of Star Wars toys for Tim's birthday this year. I'm not above that.
Well, that's it for now. Sorry if this post rambled on some, but I'm loving this platform. I feel a strange power when I think of all those people who just want baby news and have to sift through this nonsense to attain it. I am sorry if I was hard on anybody today, but you should know that it hurt me more than it hurt you...
Father
P.S. A special shout-out to all of my NorCal subscribers. I hear a groundswell of support is rising there.
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