If You're Happy and You Know It...

You remember that old song, "If You're Happy and You Know It?" To refresh your memory, part of the song goes like this, "If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it..." Well, I think this must be Cameron's mantra. The dude smiles all the time. You wink at him, and he smiles. You just look at him, and he smiles. He smiles at Reilly. He smiles at the wall. He smiles at himself in the mirror. He's just happy to be alive, I think.

Here are some of my favorite recent pics of our little smiley guy. I particularly love that his hairstyle is different in every photo.

Up in the Air

At the end of the month, we will be flying to SoCal for Mike's mom's retirement party, which means Cameron is going on his first flight! We have a direct, three-hour flight from Austin to LAX on Southwest, and then when we return we have another direct flight from Long Beach to Austin on Jet Blue.

To all the weary and child-toting travelers, I'd like to know if you have any good traveling tips for Mike and me? What should we bring for the airport? What should we bring for the flight? What should we check in at baggage and what should we keep with us for the airport or flight? Is there anything to know about traveling on Southwest or Jet Blue? I look forward to reading all your advice!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Cameron's first sojourn in the air will go smoothly. I'm also hoping that Cameron hasn't inherited his father's fear of flying or then I will have TWO babies on my hands...

Playa playa

Cameron is the best wingman I've ever had. Or perhaps, I'm his wing man. Or even more likely, Cameron is just a straight up baller and I am just necessary to move him from place to place. Whatever the chain of command, it is a cold hard fact that the ladies love them some Cam. Today I went to turn in my official resignation with the school district (I told Mindy that I signed up for retirement, but she didn't think that was funny). Anyway, I went in to the payroll office, Cameron in tow, to talk about my final paycheck options. A secretary stopped me in the hall to have a look at Cameron. She began her predictable oohing and aahing and desperate attempts to make him smile. Well this exchange drew the attention of some of the other employees, because before I knew it middle-aged women were swarming us. Seriously, there were probably 4 offices in this hallway and in a matter seconds there were 9 women encircling Cameron. I think another one was repelling from the ceiling. It was a bit intimidating to be honest with you. Cameron of course, being the total ladies man that he is, initiated his go-to heart melting routine: gummy smile followed quickly by spit filled coo and air slap in your general direction. He knows what the ladies like. He continued to lay on his charm despite the fact one of the cougars called him fat and another told him that he needed to get a "boy haircut." After I finished my meeting and was leaving, most of the women came back out from their offices and assembled themselves along the hall to create a mini Cameron parade. We were showered with more adoration and strange adult baby noises on our way out. By the time we left we had accrued two standing offers to babysit and an invitation for a play date. Like I said, boy has game!

Which got me thinking... If I was an older single man, there would be no better way to pick up women. Rent or borrow yourself a baby and head on over to Hobby Lobby. You'd have six phone numbers and probably somebody would have knitted you something before you left. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel. In fact that should be a new expression for something that's just too easy. It's like seducing middle aged crafters with a baby!

Outing

As a stay at home parent I hear it's important to run errands. I've heard it said that running errands provides you with a sense of daily purpose and adult human interaction that improves everyone's quality of life. Considering that Cameron and I didn't change out of our pajamas before 4 pm yesterday, I thought today might be a good day for an outing. I strategized for my upcoming venture shrewdly by giving Cameron a big meal and putting him down for a nap right before we went out. This plan backfired a tad when he awoke from his nap screaming like someone had just punched him in the nads. What is up with this phenomenon? Every once in a while, despite the fact he has just eaten and slept, he'll wake up enraged. My best hunch is he's having a nightmare. A little PTSD from the birth experience perhaps? Flashbacks of approaching light, slow motion spinning, and a great amount of pressure on his head? Considering that sounds like a scene from Saw, I guess I would wake up screaming too. Anyway, he was sniveling and trying to compose himself for about ten minutes after he woke up. So, I didn't have great hopes for our upcoming trip. But he actually did pretty well.

Allow me to present today's itinerary: bank, post office, barber. Needless to say, we were all excited to head out on this great adventure. I'll skip the bank recap, because I used the drive through, and nothing remotely interesting happened. That's probably true for the whole trip, but you're going to hear about the post office and barber anyway. So I get to the post office and get in line. There are two workers. I look down for a second and when I look back up one of them has magically disappeared. When I came in there was one person in front of me. By the time I reach the counter, there are 15+ in line. Still only one worker. And in typical post office fashion, let's just say she was working methodically. Seriously, post office workers are completely unflappable. There's something inside of me that immediately gets a little anxious when I know there is a large group of people waiting on me. This thing motivates me to move a little faster. Post office employees have no idea what I was just talking about. I swear they should use the post office as a training facility for military bomb diffusers. Seriously they would be perfect for that job. Cool under the pressure of time constraints? Check. Comfortable working for a large bureaucracy? Check. Limited concern for their own life? According to stereotypes, probably also a check. I think those are all of the requirements. Seriously, tell me why this isn't a good idea?

Next the barber. We walk into an entirely empty hair salon. The stylist looks at me and tells me to please sign in. Seriously? There is literally nobody else in the place. Do you remember in Meet the Parents when Greg Focker is trying to board the plane and the stewardess keeps making him wait and making the boarding announcement over the loud speaker to an empty terminal? It was kind of similar to that. So I signed my name as Dr. Graves and made her refer to me as such for the rest of the visit. I cherish odd passive aggressive warfare. We are called back to her little swivel chair and Cameron is placed on the floor to watch the show. All and all, he looked rather outraged about the whole thing. I don't think he could believe that somebody would remove something as beautiful and precious as their hair. When the conversation turned to cutting Cameron's hair, the tears started to fall. I guess since all he's ever heard about is how majestic his hair is, he was probably worried about what his identity would be if it were cut. I understand. I felt the same way when I stopped wearing basketball shorts everyday in middle school. Nobody is even going to know who I am anymore. Anyway, me and the stylist had a nice long chat about cutting the little dude's hair and I almost pulled the trigger and went ahead with it. But I figured I better wait for permission from the true custodial parents, lest I anger her and lose my cush gig as a stay at home Dad. Cameron's first hair cut will wait for another day.

So we headed home and he fell asleep in the car. He stayed asleep when I carried him inside, thus giving me the opportunity to blog about our fascinating day. I am totally shocked right now that he has remained asleep in his car seat long enough for me to actually finish. I better quit now while I'm ahead. Next on tap .... tummy time and soccer. The day is young my friends.

Assassination attempt one

For those of you who haven't been reading our blog for a long time, allow me to provide some history. Before Cameron was born, there was much discussion about how our dog Reilly would adapt to his forthcoming human brother. That discussion evolved into a sense of foreboding when Reilly began blogging. His posts were at best resentful and at worst homicidal. Things were shaping up to a battle to the finish.

Then Cameron was born and things actually seemed to go rather smoothly. We watched Reilly carefully, but there appeared to be no signs of malice or hostility. He was gentle with Cameron. Unless his evil plot was to lick his fingers and toes to the bone, I didn't see any foul play afoot. Then last week happened...

All of the events as I'm about to tell them are true. The names have not been changed to protect anybody, because there are no innocent parties. Allow me to set the scene: Cameron is down for a nap. Reilly and I are sitting in the living room watching TV. I vaguely notice Reilly get up and walk down the hallway toward the bedrooms. I don't pay much attention to it, probably because he has lulled me into a false sense of security. Then I hear a door gently close. Hmmmm. I get up to investigate. I look in our bedroom. Nothing. I look in the bathroom. Nothing. I quietly open Cameron's door. And there he is, by the crib, looking at Cameron. A tiny pillow is wedged between his front paws. Well, okay maybe that last sentence isn't true. But I think it might have been if I hadn't gotten there when I did.

Due to these events, we are definitely reconsidering some of the procedures around the house. It used to seem like a good idea to remove Reilly's collar at night to alleviate the loud metallic jangle he creates whenever he moves about. Now, I feel like we are creating a stealthy assassin with free reign to stalk his prey undetected. I used to find it cute when Reilly would stick his snout in Cameron's ear. Now I shudder at the idea of the taunts and threats that are being whispered to little Cam. Reilly's blogging silence, which I used to interpret as a change of heart, is now clearly a clever ploy to lower the parental defenses. Well no more, pup. You missed your chance.

A week in review

From my perspective at least, it's been a good week. I'll give you a summary and then a brief photo montage. Let's see, what did we do this week? Well, we slept a lot, ate a lot, and watched a lot of soccer. The boy is rooting for USA, South Korea, and Cameroon (in that order). However, Cameron and I both have some major bones to pick with the sport of soccer in general. Cameron thinks FIFA is the most incompetent organization since BP (he is very wise and politically satirical for a four-month-old). He has three major points of contention. First, why aren't players allowed to actually see how much time is left in the game? That just seems like a rule that is designed to decrease strategy and skill (which by definition makes it a stupid rule). Second, how can referees call fouls without ever indicating what the foul was or whom it was on? Good thinking, FIFA. If you want to keep your game on the up and up, it's brilliant to have zero communication and accountability for your officials. Third, the entire card system. It is totally subjective and variable from official to official, yet the consequences of it carry over from one game to the next. I have a new perspective for all of the rioting and violence associated with soccer and its fans. I used to think that it was associated with the fact that there are so many passionate fans in economically disadvantaged areas of the world. Nope, it is a result of creating a game that is clearly designed to drive people crazy. Anyways, that is all we, I mean Cameron, has to say about that topic. Go USA!

Let's switch gears for a moment and talk about an inherently fair and completely legitimate sports organization: the NBA. Cameron is blessed to only know a world where the Los Angeles Lakers are NBA champions. Although he wasn't able to stay up for the whole game, he did get to join in the celebration afterwards. There was much partying into the night in Leander, Texas this Thursday. We went outside to look for cars to tip over, but found that Cameron and I can't quite accomplish that on our own. Maybe next year.

Speaking of feats of athletic prowess... Cameron rolled over for the first time this week. Well, he actually rolled over at like four weeks of age, but since he hasn't done it in about two and a half months and it looked like his gigantic noggin was really just pulling him over on himself back then, we are counting this as his first official roll over for developmental documentation purposes. I do not think that it is any coincidence that this accomplishment occurred after he began Daddy Day Care. Clearly my specially designed infant plyometrics course is producing excellent results. I guarantee he will be walking by six months. We cannot be stopped.

Really, those are the high points. Here are some pictures to help everyone fill in some gaps. Cameron celebrating the Lakers victory in his Kobe Jersey (note he was in this for over four hours and refused to poop in it once... that's my boy!).

I did have some reservations about putting my son in an "alleged" sex offenders jersey. Here's Cameron doing his best Kobe mug shot pose.

And last Laker-related photo, I promise. Here he is flashing five for the number of championship rings he has. Cameron can be kind of classless sometimes.

Moving on, here is Cameron hanging out with his good buddy Kevin. Overall, the interaction went well with genuine human interest in one another and only minimal physical violence.

Finally, here is Cameron chilling in his shades. Tell me he doesn't at least somewhat resemble Perez Hilton in this pic?

And agenda for this week is to start a diet. Just kidding, don't get mad at me out there all you apologists of healthy infant body images. The man is such a round mound of smiles these days. Well, that's all I've got for now. Good day.

Father

Just the two of us

I thought I'd provide a brief recap of day one of Daddy Day Care. We arose around 8 a.m. The anticipation in the house was palpable. The amount of freedom we both felt in that moment was almost unbearable. The day was ours to do with as we pleased. I looked through Cameron's drawers for the perfect outfit to memorialize the occassion. Being the Caucasian parent, I thought I'd go with a white trash theme. Next I did what every good American parent does, I plopped Cameron down on the couch and let the television raise him.

Cameron and I make a great team. I sneak in a fantasy draft for the world cup. Cameron starts screaming and writhing around on the ground when there is really nothing wrong with him in honor of soccer players. I read to him from depressing books. He mocks the hardship of life (while Reilly goes on hating it):

All in all I would consider day one a success. Highlight of the day was filming the Bounty fabric softener commercial:


Lowlight of the day, was when we returned from an errand and found a substance on the carpet that was unclear whether child or dog excreted. I spared ya'll a picture of that. But perhaps my proudest moment of the day was when Cameron went UFC on me and straight up head butted me in the nose. It was awesome. Tomorrow we're working on submission grappling. So, wish us luck in day two. I'll leave you with the quote of the day for tomorrow:

"It is not to be thought that the life of darkness is sunk in misery and lost as if in sorrowing. There is no sorrowing. For sorrow is a thing that is swallowed up in death, and death and dying are the very life of the darkness."

Hugs,
Papa

It is upon us

Daddy daycare commences in the morning. The house is aflutter with excitement. We are going to begin our day with a brief opening ceremony and finish our evening adorned in matching Laker onesies in preparation for game four of the NBA finals. My tentative plan is to start drinking in the early afternoon. There will be exercise, laughter, full bellies, long naps, and little reason for tears. If he doesn't take his first steps tomorrow, I'm guessing that will probably happen by the second week of camp Papa. I will keep you all abreast of the glory that is about to ensue. And just to set the tone I would like to leave you all with Daddy Day Care's inaugural quote of the day:

"Your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time."

And so it begins...

Sneak Peek at Daddy Daycare

When Mommy's away, Daddy will play...with gel in Cameron's hair. When I came home from work last Friday night, I was welcomed by a faux hawked Cameron. I should have known - Mike has been dying to gel up Cam's hair since the day he was born. I consider this a sneak peek of how time will be spent once Daddy Daycare starts on Thursday...

A side view:

And like father, like son doing their best Blue Steel:

On a side note, I'm starting to wonder if we should get Cameron's hair cut soon. It's getting very long on the sides and in the back - almost a baby mullet. I'm not sure I could cut it myself, and I don't know if there are stylists out there who cut hair for four-month-olds?!?

Do I Have Something on My Face?

We had an incident tonight. Let me lay the groundwork for this story: Cameron, Reilly, and I walked to the mailbox tonight. When we came back into the house, I noticed that Reilly was by my side licking the floor and then my leg. I felt something warm on my arm and saw that Cameron had spit up and it was dripping down my arm. So I put Cameron down on the couch and started to wipe off his face. And then Reilly looked up at me, and I saw this:

Poor doggie!

Not Just Mike's Blog

A friend of mine made an inocuous comment about our blog last week, but I felt that it must be addressed in case there are others out there in the blogosphere who have the same sentiment. Last week, my friend Paul from high school emailed me to say how much he's enjoying, and I quote, "Mike's blog." Now wait just one second - this blog is definitely not Mike's platform to attempt a Cormac McCarthy-like narrative for a captive audience; it is a joint venture. Sure, if you're looking for a charming anecdote with fictitious numbers about how many times our son startles himself to sleep, then you'll look for posts authored by Father. Or if you want to search for insight into Mike's inner pysche and his fear of death, then you'll appreciate his posts. But when you want relevant updates about Cameron's development, then I'm your girl. And as such, here is the latest on our little man...

Cameron visited the doctor today for his four-month well check. He weighed in at 16 lbs. 2 oz., which is in the 75th percentile, and he measured 24.5" long, which is in the 25th percentile. WHAT?!? No wonder he looks like such a chunky baby - he's a round mound of baby pounds. I expressed my concern that he would be short to Mike tonight, and this was Mike's pragmatic response, "Well, in a room of four people, he wouldn't be the shortest person in the room." Thanks for that analysis, Dr. Mike. We tried to take Cameron's four-month pics last night, but the camera battery ran out so we will finish the photo shoot tomorrow night.

In other developmental news, Cameron now laughs, plays with toys (rings are his favorite), sucks boths of his thumbs (not at the same time), does happy baby pose (little yogi!), and reaches out to touch Reilly. But we're still working on rolling over! Maybe his stubby little legs in the 25th percentile aren't strong enough to propel his chubby body in the 75th percentile over...

40 winks (literally)

Amazingly the Graves' family has made it over 4 days now without an evil wizard or dark lord breaking into our house and making me choose between my life or my son's. I'm hoping this run of good luck continues. Moving on, I thought I would take a second to share an event in Cameron's life today. I would like to warn all readers that the following is a stream-of-consciousness, meandering tale that is probably of little interest to anyone aside from our immediate family. You have been warned.

I picked Cameron up from his super all-inclusive infant care resort (seriously, the in-laws are the best! His day is filled with work-outs, photo shoots, wardrobe changes, etc. It's amazing. I cannot thank Mindy's parents enough for looking after him these past two months. It has created such peace of mind to know that he is with them. We could never thank the Rudds enough. But perhaps dinner on us at Olive Garden might do the trick... That's the level of gratitude I'm talking about here. I now fear that I have gone too far in this parenthesized side note to even attempt to pick up where the last sentence stopped. Don't get angry with me lovers of all things grammar, but I am just going to pretend that there is not an incomplete sentence way up there and just start from here). After I picked Cameron up from his state-of-the-art, full-service baby center, he was really sleepy. I brought him home, clicked on the "Hurt Locker" for our viewing pleasure, and went about rocking him to sleep. Within about 2 minutes, his thumb was in his mouth and his eyes were drooping. But alas, all the gun fire from the movie kept startling him back awake. So I turned off our movie and moved him to his bedroom. I laid him in his crib and stood there with him to make sure he was really going to fall asleep. This is what he did. He started with his right thumb in his mouth, his left hand on his stomach, and his feet in happy baby pose. His feet would slowly drop down toward the bed as he drifted to sleep. As soon as his feet hit the bed, he would startle himself back awake. Eyes open, feet pop back up. About 5 seconds later, his eyes were closed and his feet were dropping back toward the bed. Feet touched down, startled awake. He did this 28 times. I counted. The plan was to keep waiting until he figured out a solution to his problem, but I grew impatient. I decided to hold the feet down for him. So what does he do? Left hand starts to drop and when it hits the mattress... boom, startled awake. So now I have him in a pseudo hog tie hold, with hand and legs pinned. And he was soundly asleep in about a minute. I didn't know I would have to restrain my child at such a young age.

On a side note, Cameron was sporting a shirt today that says "Property of Mom." I'm not sure if Mindy has heard of this little document entitled the Emancipation Proclamation, but I'm pretty sure that what the shirt is promoting has been illegal since the 1860's. Let the little man be free Momma!