Domesticate Ya

Mindy made some pumpkin flavored pop tarts for a Fall get-together this past week.  They were quite tasty.  Cam is not so sure. Consider this exchange: Cam bites into a pop tart and a look of sheer disgust spreads across his face.  Mindy says "Cam, you don't have to eat that if you don't like it."  Cam munches on, but appears as though he is consuming something closer to raw sewage than a pastry.  Cam looks up at Mindy and sheepishly says, "It's good.  I just like to take small bites."  Verrrrrrryyyyyy tactful son.  Well played.

Cam likes to roll around everywhere he can on his scooter.   Not too long ago Mindy and I were sitting on the couch after putting Cam down for bed.  We hear his bedroom door open and Cam rolls out on his scooter to get some water.  He then rolled back to the bedroom without a word.  His scooting can be quite unnerving.   It often has the feel of Gob on his Segway in Arrested Development.

Speaking of being on the couch after Cam was put to bed, Mindy and I recently got busted engaging in some inappropriate behavior.  Let's just say it involved the two of us, some sucking, and... Cam's Halloween candy.  Mindy and I were sent scurrying like teenagers when the bedroom door unexpectedly opens.  It was an eye opening moment to realize how much I fear my son.  And this was probably the greatest act of treachery that we could have committed.  Cam treasured his Halloween candy with Smeagol-like intensity.  When he got home from trick-or-treating he dumped all of it out in the middle of the living room.  For days after, he would come up to Mindy and I and ask us if we would like to join him in "looking at his candy."  And then he would just sit and admire it.  He was very proud of himself for "earning" all those sweets and often opined about how "hard" he "worked" on Halloween.  I think we might have sparked a less furious reaction if we had taken his lifelong "blankie" and fashioned it into a diaper for Carter.  Let's just say it was a night of great violence in the Graves house.  I emerged relatively unscathed, mostly because I was able to utilize Mindy as a human shield.

Cameron is in the heart of the "why" faze.  Truly, he's been in this phase for over a year.  But the intensity of it has really ramped up of late.  What his questioning has really made me realize is how little I know about anything.  By the end of each of these exchanges we've reached a point where it becomes difficult to muster a coherent answer.  I've asked repeatedly for phone a friend privileges, but that just leads to him asking me why, and me having to explain the reasons behind my idiocy until I need help again.  It's not a self-esteem boosting exchange.  So, I've taken to completely making things up.  Why is it cold today?  The sun is tired.  Why?  Because he stayed up really late playing Minion Rush and used up his solar energy to keep the I-Pad charged?  Why?  Because the sun often has insomnia.  Why?  Because of discomfort from his irritable bowel. And on we go.  It donned on me lately the true reason why people often become more religious when they have children.  Claiming the work of a higher power is really the only way to stand up to this line of questioning and save face.  But I see that as a cop out.  I'm going to make shit up instead.  It's way more fun.

See you next week,
Father