I pretty much forgot this blog existed. I found my way back here this afternoon because I was curious if blogger was still up and running. Good for you blogger. But I wasn't expecting to be so immediately emotional reading those old posts. I guess it's strangely validating to discover that you find yourself quite humorous and touching? But what it really did, was make me feel disconnected from the person who wrote those posts. It feels like I'm living a different life now; one that is going incredibly too fast. One that has not been captured and celebrated appropriately through sarcastic blogging.
I wonder why the blogging stopped? I think the easy answer is that life gets busy. Anecdotes aren't as cute as the kids get older. It becomes trickier to write about things involving other people without feeling anxious about their reactions. Our kids are going to read it and have their own reactions. All these reasons feel true. But today is really the only day that you can ever say fuck it and jump back in. So Father is back baby...
This entry needs to get you up to date on where things stand now. I am old. It's gotten to the point where people who haven't seen me in a while like to let me know that my hair is really getting grey. Always a very helpful observation. I also now experience pinched nerves in my neck that take months to heal. I guess. at my age, when you are engaging in the high risk activity of sleeping on hotel pillows, you pretty much are getting what you asked for. And when I play pick-up basketball, people now refer to me as the old guy. But it's not all bad. I've realized that I can use my advanced age as a bit of a super power. If you just shuffle around stiffly for the first couple of possessions, you can usually lull the young people into a sense of mercy... and then reject their first shot attempt back into their wrinkle-free little faces. I've also started to toy with the idea of carrying around Werther's Originals in my pocket so youth can see me as a more approachable elderly.
Mindy on the other hand looks young and beautiful. She is working at Carter's elementary school in the gifted and talented program, where she is surrounded by a lot of positive support. I feel like kids are always giving her things or telling her how nice or pretty she is. I guess that's what you get when you are nice and pretty. Mindy is a sweat though. I wish I had the term sweat when I was young, because try-hards and sweats have always been around but not until recently have they been properly identified. I used to be a sweat at some things, but now I am content to settle into the sweet comfort of consistent mediocrity. But Mindy still puts her heart into so many things and I really admire her for that.
Now to update you on the boys... Cam is a sweat at basketball. He is a 4'11" basketball stud, shining in a world of post pubescent 8th grade giants. I am so incredibly proud of his fearlessness and skill. That dude has fallen in love with basketball like his old man did. I cherish that we get to share that and I'm excited to see what exciting moments he'll have along his journey. And Cam is a good soul. Underneath his irritated attitude and adolescent omniscience is a kid with a good heart. For the most part he has learned to stay out of the drama of middle school life. I see him as flying a little under the radar, out of the fray. Which is probably a pretty wise place to be at that age. But it really hit me when I was reading those old blog posts how much he is probably still his 5-year-old self on the inside. He's still that kid with the nervous energy, some shyness, and an eagerness to do a good job so he can go home and relax. Well one day you'll look back at this blog and read these words Cam and I want you to know that you are doing a good job. You are a sweat in all the best ways, just like your mom. And even when you aren't, I love you more than ever.
Carter is still a mini Cam (in some ways) and a completely different kid in others. I love to see our boys together. They are still each other's best friends. Carter looks up to Cam more than he'll ever know, and Cam cares for and looks after Carter more than I ever could have expected.. I read some of those posts about Carter and how he carries with him the "special" aura of the youngest. Well that definitely hasn't changed. I feel like everyone likes Carter. Part of that is because he's perceptive. He figures out pretty quickly what people aren't going to like and he avoids doing that. Part of that is because he's a kiss ass. He figures out what people do like and he tries to do that. And part of that is because he is genuine and funny. He is shy too, but he is also comfortably himself. He is curious about things and has a great ability to slow down and really take something in. It feels like Carter could be content doing anything. He just wants someone there with him sometimes to enjoy it with and scratch his back. Carter is finishing up elementary school for the Grave's boys this year and it feels like the end of an era. It's hard to fathom him already starting middle school. We may just need to take a year off and stop and look around a little...
Thought I'd end this blog by saying some goodbyes. Reilly, our first dog and OG contributor to this blog died a few years back. The early rivalry was intense between Cam and Reilly, but in the end they became great friends. His absence left a vacancy in the house that lingered more than I imagined. Mindy's longtime friend Lacy passed away last year. Lacy and her husband Chris were two of the few who actually read this blog. I would often think about them when I wrote this drivel and wonder if what I was writing would make them laugh. So Lacy I hope this post finds you in a wonderful place and can make you laugh today. Thanks for always being such a great friend to Mindy. Lastly, Mindy's mother Linda also passed away, ending a difficult period fighting dementia. I find myself struggling to find the words to write about this. I was touched watching Ed care for her through those last years. It truly was the embodiment of what love and devotion to another really is. Ed you are a person who I sincerely look up to and am so grateful for. Linda, we love you and you are forever missed.
That's all I have for today. This sentimental old man sends you forth with a mandate to be a little sweatier in loving the ones you got, because life is short. Talk to y'all in 2035.
-Father
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