Sometimes your children can provide you with a clear glimpse of how you are seen by others. I listen to my eldest son chastise his pretend friend "Kiko" on the "phone" about the horrible fantasy football offers he is receiving and I can't help but realize just how cool I really am. It melts my heart to hear him negotiate with such a firm, yet inviting, tone. Kiko has no chance. Nor does his younger brother. Cam has already mastered the art of deniable aggression. The amount of "accidental" toddler assault that occurs in our house is impressive. It's like watching Blake Griffin roam the court of Staples Center. There is a lot of bulling over people accompanied by a blank facial expression. But, if his intentions are questioned, this expression seamlessly morphs into a mix of confusion and outrage. My favorite response from Cam though is when he tries to explain why he just spiked his brother to the floor by stating, "I was just curious what would happened." After all, who would fault such a sweet young man in his sincere quest for knowledge. He cracks me up. Although, I'm not going to lie, sometimes his words can sting. He has a way of trash talking that cuts straight to your core. Let me give you my 3 favorites of recent memory.
1. In a conversation about both of our upcoming birthdays, I ask him if he would rather be turning 5 or 35. Cam: "5, because I'm skinner." Boom.
2. While coloring with Cam, he comments that I am better at staying between the lines than he is. Me: "Well, I'm a grown up so I've had more practice." Cam: "Oh yeah, well you're going to die first." Later that night I made sure to go through his texts with Kiko to make sure he doesn't have any assassination plans.
3. At bedtime one evening Mindy asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Cam: "A new daddy." Dude! WTF? How does one respond to this? I took a page out of his playbook. I pretended I did not hear it and "accidentally" hip-checked him off of the bed. How you be feeling about that weight differential now?!?!
Sometimes I'm thankful that Carter can't speak. Like all great Grave's men he is somewhat delayed in the speech department, so Mindy has been taking him to speech therapy a couple of times a week. But I think she is wrong to be encouraging him. I don't need two of these tiny tyrants ganging up on me. Carter already torments me with his limited sounds. He almost always makes a distinct grunting noise as he is emptying his bowels. That's actually quite nice because it let's us know when he needs to be changed. The issue arises when he replicates this noise while you are changing his diaper and then laughs hysterically at your reaction. Verrrry funny Carter. It's not fun being punked by a 1-year-old.
In other news: Our household is becoming quite accomplished at Mario Kart. Cam just celebrated his 5th birthday in Ninja Warrior Style. Carter is following in his brother's footsteps with his disdain for gym childcare. We are looking forward to a fun spring and summer of getaways - including our annual pilgrimage to So-Cal for the 4th of July. And life (at least the short amount I apparently have left) is good.
Because I said so,
Father
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
National Graves' Vacation
Let's get right to it. I'll supply you with a word or concept and then fill you in on every thing I've learned about that this summer.
Arkansas: Bill Clinton is a big deal here. People here are so obsessed with merging before a lane closure that it's like having your own 4 mile express lane if you choose to drive like a rational human being. However, the locals do not look kindly on this kind of rational thinking and making the choice to do so may put your life in danger. On another note, this state does not supply their public restrooms with toilet paper.
Best Western Hotels: This establishment sometimes decides to merge its breakfast dining area with a Jacuzzi super store. Using the spa to re-heat your entrée is frowned upon.
Dodger Stadium: Does not condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages in their parking lot. And my powers of speech / self-confidence automatically revert to that of a 13-year-old when I am approached by a bike cop.
Chris Harrison: Throws employees off balconies in fits of power-hungry rage after people have the audacity to refer to him as "just a host."
Mindy Graves: Turns 35 tomorrow. In honor of this event, she has trained our eldest son to refer to her as a "young lady." She is a beautiful young lady. She is obsessed with souvenir magnets and the magnetic attraction between Andi and Josh. She makes pretty much everything in my world better (possible exceptions include my pride in regard to trivia games and my enjoyment of Wes Anderson films).
Billboards in the South: Are awesome. This is a coffee table book waiting to happen. These were the three favorite I remember from our trip. 1) "Human Trafficking is NOT ok." Actually helpful, because I was torn on this issue before I saw the sign. 2) "Use the rod - save your child's life." Our children did not like this one as much. 3) An advertisement for Truck stop / Indian food that stood next to a burnt down building. I wouldn't have thought that those two things would mix well, now I know that they don't.
Southern Californians: Should be required to spend at least one summer day in Atlanta each year before whining about the temperature outside.
Cameron Graves: Is not lacking for self esteem. This week he expressed that he is "the best soccer player of all times" and "never makes mistakes because I am perfect." He is also constantly fine-tuning a comedy routine centered around the word "booty." Mindy does not appreciate his act so much, but I think she's missing the subtly of his genius. My hope is that with the right encouragement he will continue to practice this material on Mindy non-stop until he is the greatest comedian of all times.
Carter Graves: I am often amazed at his ability to know what he wants in life and communicate that so clearly. And he accomplishes this with a vocabulary of 3 words. I have thousands of words at my disposal and struggle with this daily. It should also be noted that Carter is at a stage of adorableness that words cannot describe.
Family: We are blessed with such a generous and loving extended family. I am very thankful that we got to spend time together this summer and look forward to many more summer vacations around the USA.
Mississippi: After our stay at the Motel 6 in Meridian, I was ready to crown it as the worst state in the union. But then I remembered my three days of gambling and pool-hopping in Biloxi, I remembered how the sweet waters of the gulf coast can make a man come alive, I remembered chanting the name of that black jack dealer on the $5 table and drunkenly falling asleep by myself at our hotel diner... and I hate myself for even thinking about putting it in the bottom three. So, you're welcome Arkansas. The honor is still yours.
No, we are not there yet,
Father
Arkansas: Bill Clinton is a big deal here. People here are so obsessed with merging before a lane closure that it's like having your own 4 mile express lane if you choose to drive like a rational human being. However, the locals do not look kindly on this kind of rational thinking and making the choice to do so may put your life in danger. On another note, this state does not supply their public restrooms with toilet paper.
Best Western Hotels: This establishment sometimes decides to merge its breakfast dining area with a Jacuzzi super store. Using the spa to re-heat your entrée is frowned upon.
Dodger Stadium: Does not condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages in their parking lot. And my powers of speech / self-confidence automatically revert to that of a 13-year-old when I am approached by a bike cop.
Chris Harrison: Throws employees off balconies in fits of power-hungry rage after people have the audacity to refer to him as "just a host."
Mindy Graves: Turns 35 tomorrow. In honor of this event, she has trained our eldest son to refer to her as a "young lady." She is a beautiful young lady. She is obsessed with souvenir magnets and the magnetic attraction between Andi and Josh. She makes pretty much everything in my world better (possible exceptions include my pride in regard to trivia games and my enjoyment of Wes Anderson films).
Billboards in the South: Are awesome. This is a coffee table book waiting to happen. These were the three favorite I remember from our trip. 1) "Human Trafficking is NOT ok." Actually helpful, because I was torn on this issue before I saw the sign. 2) "Use the rod - save your child's life." Our children did not like this one as much. 3) An advertisement for Truck stop / Indian food that stood next to a burnt down building. I wouldn't have thought that those two things would mix well, now I know that they don't.
Southern Californians: Should be required to spend at least one summer day in Atlanta each year before whining about the temperature outside.
Cameron Graves: Is not lacking for self esteem. This week he expressed that he is "the best soccer player of all times" and "never makes mistakes because I am perfect." He is also constantly fine-tuning a comedy routine centered around the word "booty." Mindy does not appreciate his act so much, but I think she's missing the subtly of his genius. My hope is that with the right encouragement he will continue to practice this material on Mindy non-stop until he is the greatest comedian of all times.
Carter Graves: I am often amazed at his ability to know what he wants in life and communicate that so clearly. And he accomplishes this with a vocabulary of 3 words. I have thousands of words at my disposal and struggle with this daily. It should also be noted that Carter is at a stage of adorableness that words cannot describe.
Family: We are blessed with such a generous and loving extended family. I am very thankful that we got to spend time together this summer and look forward to many more summer vacations around the USA.
Mississippi: After our stay at the Motel 6 in Meridian, I was ready to crown it as the worst state in the union. But then I remembered my three days of gambling and pool-hopping in Biloxi, I remembered how the sweet waters of the gulf coast can make a man come alive, I remembered chanting the name of that black jack dealer on the $5 table and drunkenly falling asleep by myself at our hotel diner... and I hate myself for even thinking about putting it in the bottom three. So, you're welcome Arkansas. The honor is still yours.
No, we are not there yet,
Father
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
In Love and Basketball
I have this fatherhood thing on lock. It's simple. All you need is a strong combination of classical condition and strategic withholding of fatherly love to really mold a child into something special. I have no idea if Cameron is going to grow up to be "happy" or a "productive member of society," but I do know that he is of great amusement to me. Allow me to run through a typical day in the life of Cameron Graves. He starts off the morning with a game of NBA 2K 2014 on the IPAD. He typically likes to be the Lakers or the Thunder. He tirelessly feeds the ball to Kobe or KD, respectively. I have found that his choice between the two is correlated with his mood for the day. Kobe days are tough for everyone. But sometimes he likes to be the Heat, so he can play with their power forward "Squish Squash" or their point guard "Mario Chompers." What he lacks in auditory processing, he makes up for in cuteness. When Ipad time is over, it's time for the real basketball to begin. No exaggeration, he probably plays multiple hours of basketball a day. We play one-on-one where he makes up which teams we are. We play 2 on 0, where he is always Tony Parker and I'm Tim "Pumpkin." He always keeps score. He plays by himself. He makes up drills that he does over and over. After he pretends to get fouled, he lets you know the status of the personal fouls and team fouls before taking his foul shots. He cannot pronounce personal. No matter where he is in the house he senses if his little brother has the ball in his hands and comes sprinting to take it away. His brother is usually casted as Tiago Splitter. He is very passive aggressive. Somewhere between all this basketball he does other things. Those things are not important. In the evenings we watch the NBA playoffs. He only roots for the team that is winning. But he won't cheer against the Thunder or Spurs. I regale him with stories of Laker greatness. I search for classic Laker victories on NBA TV. I can only hope I'm doing enough. At bed time we read a children's story about Chris Paul's childhood. I make up a sequel about how an evil troll named David Stern kidnapped Chris Paul from the Lakers. We curse David Stern and Blake Griffin until sleep over takes him. We all hope tomorrow will be a KD day...
Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away with that rant. But, like 90% of that is true. He's super into basketball right now and it's really fun. I don't know how to break the news to him that he's probably going to be 5'9'' and that could, possibly, hinder his long term success. Instead, we signed him up for tennis lessons this summer.
Another really funny thing is hearing Cam re-tell the religious stories he learns at school. Christianity by Cam is hilarious. My favorite was the time he told us about how "Jesus was in the doghouse until his friend Smokey J told him to come out." After some digging, it's possible he was recounting the story of Lazarus. But, I like to believe that Smokey J is the gangster nickname Jesus had for James. My second favorite is when I was talking to Cam about somebody named Jose. Cam proceeded to tell me tabout how all the people in the bible "threw there jackets in the mud and shouted Jose, Jose." I'll let you figure that one out.
Onto the younger child. He is adorable right now. He is a smiling, waiving, peek-a-boo playing little ball of perfection. And that dude loves to push himself to the limits of his physical abilities. He wants to climb everything he can get to. One of his favorite past-times is to climb on top of (insert noun here), stand up, and look at you with delight. If you turn your back on him for 10 seconds he will be standing on top of his riding fire truck like he's about to go surfing. There may or may not be multiple home videos of him accomplishing such feats and.... then falling really hard on the floor. I guess that is what movie editing software is for. Based on his combination of attractiveness and affinity for stage-like platforms, I'm predicting he is going to be runway model. Then again I could also see major head trauma in his future. Thankfully those two paths aren't mutually exclusive.
You miss both 0% and 100% of the shots you don't take,
Father
Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away with that rant. But, like 90% of that is true. He's super into basketball right now and it's really fun. I don't know how to break the news to him that he's probably going to be 5'9'' and that could, possibly, hinder his long term success. Instead, we signed him up for tennis lessons this summer.
Another really funny thing is hearing Cam re-tell the religious stories he learns at school. Christianity by Cam is hilarious. My favorite was the time he told us about how "Jesus was in the doghouse until his friend Smokey J told him to come out." After some digging, it's possible he was recounting the story of Lazarus. But, I like to believe that Smokey J is the gangster nickname Jesus had for James. My second favorite is when I was talking to Cam about somebody named Jose. Cam proceeded to tell me tabout how all the people in the bible "threw there jackets in the mud and shouted Jose, Jose." I'll let you figure that one out.
Onto the younger child. He is adorable right now. He is a smiling, waiving, peek-a-boo playing little ball of perfection. And that dude loves to push himself to the limits of his physical abilities. He wants to climb everything he can get to. One of his favorite past-times is to climb on top of (insert noun here), stand up, and look at you with delight. If you turn your back on him for 10 seconds he will be standing on top of his riding fire truck like he's about to go surfing. There may or may not be multiple home videos of him accomplishing such feats and.... then falling really hard on the floor. I guess that is what movie editing software is for. Based on his combination of attractiveness and affinity for stage-like platforms, I'm predicting he is going to be runway model. Then again I could also see major head trauma in his future. Thankfully those two paths aren't mutually exclusive.
You miss both 0% and 100% of the shots you don't take,
Father
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Revelations
I've learned exactly 10 things so far in 2014. I'm going to share them with you now.
10: Cam's obsession with Ninja Warrior is not good for his face.
9: You can consistently complete Insanity workout videos before getting a Blue Cross Blue Shield agent on the line.
8: Fire fighters need a raise. It feels like you could earn an honest living in that profession, but apparently it requires panhandling to supplement your income. Seriously, put your boots back on and get out of the street. At least when you were fundraising with your lascivious calendars you weren't causing a traffic delay. The next begging fire man I see in the road is getting his bare foot ran over. You have been warned.
7. Mexican food + lots of spinning = sitting in your own vomit for the car ride home. It was a tough lesson for her to learn, but I told Mindy not to spin so much.
6. Boy's trips to Del Rio are good times. If I close my eyes I can still hear Cam chanting "no ladies, no babies." And don't bother asking Cam about our trip because he's been trained that what happens in Del Rio stays in Del Rio. But I'll give y'all a little sneak peak. Let's just say that 3 out of the following 4 things are true. Cam attempted to pee off a bridge and ended up with urine all over his clothes. We picked up a hitchhiker somewhere near San Antonio that we later learned was an escaped convict. There was at least one night where Cam could be found binge eating chocolate cake in motel room at 11 pm. My father won a limbo contest at my cousin's wedding by out-dueling a midget. Let me just reiterate that a good time was had by all.
5. Croup is the devil's work. And I'm pretty sure Chris Harrison probably has something to do with spreading this destructive force.
4. Preschoolers are master negotiators. And they always seem to be working toward attaining the most immediate reward. At first I was trying to offer Cam some guidance around this tactic. I was trying to help him put off some immediate gratification in the pursuit more significant pleasure down the road. But the more I became acquainted with his strategy, the more I respected it. He has it right. You just have to be relentless in your negotiation for short term gain. You see, there's no harm in agreeing to give up something in the future to obtain immediate reward. Because we both know that when we get to this so called future loss, that exact same strategy is still going to apply. I think he plans on just pushing back his loss until he moves out of the house. In some ways it's kind of like our national debt situation. Preschoolers are very advanced.
3. Steven Tyler decided to go as the Geico Caveman to the Grammys.
2. Cam is incapable of talking about religion without adopting the accent of a southern woman. I guess sending him to a church-based preschool in Texas has measurable affects. And "Lawd" is it cute.
1. Carter being mobile is a game changer.
Truth has been spoken here today. Go with "Gawd".
Father
10: Cam's obsession with Ninja Warrior is not good for his face.
9: You can consistently complete Insanity workout videos before getting a Blue Cross Blue Shield agent on the line.
8: Fire fighters need a raise. It feels like you could earn an honest living in that profession, but apparently it requires panhandling to supplement your income. Seriously, put your boots back on and get out of the street. At least when you were fundraising with your lascivious calendars you weren't causing a traffic delay. The next begging fire man I see in the road is getting his bare foot ran over. You have been warned.
7. Mexican food + lots of spinning = sitting in your own vomit for the car ride home. It was a tough lesson for her to learn, but I told Mindy not to spin so much.
6. Boy's trips to Del Rio are good times. If I close my eyes I can still hear Cam chanting "no ladies, no babies." And don't bother asking Cam about our trip because he's been trained that what happens in Del Rio stays in Del Rio. But I'll give y'all a little sneak peak. Let's just say that 3 out of the following 4 things are true. Cam attempted to pee off a bridge and ended up with urine all over his clothes. We picked up a hitchhiker somewhere near San Antonio that we later learned was an escaped convict. There was at least one night where Cam could be found binge eating chocolate cake in motel room at 11 pm. My father won a limbo contest at my cousin's wedding by out-dueling a midget. Let me just reiterate that a good time was had by all.
5. Croup is the devil's work. And I'm pretty sure Chris Harrison probably has something to do with spreading this destructive force.
4. Preschoolers are master negotiators. And they always seem to be working toward attaining the most immediate reward. At first I was trying to offer Cam some guidance around this tactic. I was trying to help him put off some immediate gratification in the pursuit more significant pleasure down the road. But the more I became acquainted with his strategy, the more I respected it. He has it right. You just have to be relentless in your negotiation for short term gain. You see, there's no harm in agreeing to give up something in the future to obtain immediate reward. Because we both know that when we get to this so called future loss, that exact same strategy is still going to apply. I think he plans on just pushing back his loss until he moves out of the house. In some ways it's kind of like our national debt situation. Preschoolers are very advanced.
3. Steven Tyler decided to go as the Geico Caveman to the Grammys.
2. Cam is incapable of talking about religion without adopting the accent of a southern woman. I guess sending him to a church-based preschool in Texas has measurable affects. And "Lawd" is it cute.
1. Carter being mobile is a game changer.
Truth has been spoken here today. Go with "Gawd".
Father
Monday, December 23, 2013
'Twas the night before Christmas Eve...
Vacation has begun. I'm officially off of work for the next 2 weeks. As part of my quest to live life like I'm still in high school, I went and scheduled myself a nice little Christmas vacation. But now I am one day in to said vacation and I'm realizing that the reality of these two weeks might be a tad different than the ones I remember so fondly from my youth. In my excitement to get off of work, I failed to consider that this parenting gig wasn't going to take a hiatus as well. Now... I'm thinking I may just plan a few "working days" at the office to prepare for the new year. We'll see how that flies. I don't know how Mindy does it so much, because being in this house is like being constantly cornered by two assailants of need. It's a perpetual dance of placation and/or disappointment. It makes me tired.
But I love me some Cam. That little dude is fun to hang out with. Lately we've been really into playing the Madden football App on the Ipad. He picked our team to be the Bears because they are, and I quote Cam here, "Bad Boys." Then he somehow changed the uniforms to the Bengals so we are now the Chicago Bengals. "We" rely very heavily on our tight ends and slot receivers. At first I thought he was going to seriously injure Martellus Bennett by exclusively throwing him the ball. But now he has developed a nice little rapport with Alshon Jeffery on the slant. "We" rarely win. It took us about 20 tries to beat the Washington Redskins (including a last second pick six that lost us the game because "we" were trying to run up the score). That one stung. But we finally defeated Washington this morning and advanced on to playing the Indianapolis Colts. Cameron refers to our new foe as the "Whiteskins." Sometimes I feel very discriminated against in my house. It's hard to be a minority.
Cameron and I also like to participate in trivia contests. This is a sneak peak at a typical game. I ask Cam if he can name 7 trains from Thomas. He rattles them off in one breath. He asks me an abstract question with multiple answers. No matter what I guess, I am responded to by a loud buzzer noise and a harsh "wrong." It's like doing that psychic game with Bill Murray at the beginning of Ghost Busters. But, it's fun to hear the clever questions and answers he comes up. Like just the other day, he asked me "who is Momma's favorite guy?" I smiled at him smugly and answered, "me of course." I expected the buzzer noise. I was even prepared for him to claim that spot. But I most certainly was not ready for what was to come next. Apparently, my wife's "favorite guy" is the man who was at our house earlier that day fixing the air conditioner. This was rather alarming news. Coming from my family of origin, I am quite aware of the allure that profession can have on the ladies. Graves' Heating and Air is basically just a male prostitution network. If my father or uncle tell you any differently, they are lying. And when you're working in refrigeration you are always working with "hot" women. Ok, I'll stop. But needless to say an extensive interrogation took place to uncover what transpired between Mindy and the repairman. The investigation is still pending.
I had more I wanted to write today, but Mindy is waiting for me so we can do Insanity before the kids wake up from nap. Nap time is not to be squandered in pithy rantings. Fun fact, did you know that Mindy knows the first name of all the back-up fitness participants in the Insanity DVD. I'm beginning to think that this stay at home gig might be a little lonely. And with that realization, I am definitely intensifying my efforts on the repairman case. We shall see if she goes Freon the charges or not... Ok, I'm truly stopping. That was just sad.
Merry Christmas,
Father
But I love me some Cam. That little dude is fun to hang out with. Lately we've been really into playing the Madden football App on the Ipad. He picked our team to be the Bears because they are, and I quote Cam here, "Bad Boys." Then he somehow changed the uniforms to the Bengals so we are now the Chicago Bengals. "We" rely very heavily on our tight ends and slot receivers. At first I thought he was going to seriously injure Martellus Bennett by exclusively throwing him the ball. But now he has developed a nice little rapport with Alshon Jeffery on the slant. "We" rarely win. It took us about 20 tries to beat the Washington Redskins (including a last second pick six that lost us the game because "we" were trying to run up the score). That one stung. But we finally defeated Washington this morning and advanced on to playing the Indianapolis Colts. Cameron refers to our new foe as the "Whiteskins." Sometimes I feel very discriminated against in my house. It's hard to be a minority.
Cameron and I also like to participate in trivia contests. This is a sneak peak at a typical game. I ask Cam if he can name 7 trains from Thomas. He rattles them off in one breath. He asks me an abstract question with multiple answers. No matter what I guess, I am responded to by a loud buzzer noise and a harsh "wrong." It's like doing that psychic game with Bill Murray at the beginning of Ghost Busters. But, it's fun to hear the clever questions and answers he comes up. Like just the other day, he asked me "who is Momma's favorite guy?" I smiled at him smugly and answered, "me of course." I expected the buzzer noise. I was even prepared for him to claim that spot. But I most certainly was not ready for what was to come next. Apparently, my wife's "favorite guy" is the man who was at our house earlier that day fixing the air conditioner. This was rather alarming news. Coming from my family of origin, I am quite aware of the allure that profession can have on the ladies. Graves' Heating and Air is basically just a male prostitution network. If my father or uncle tell you any differently, they are lying. And when you're working in refrigeration you are always working with "hot" women. Ok, I'll stop. But needless to say an extensive interrogation took place to uncover what transpired between Mindy and the repairman. The investigation is still pending.
I had more I wanted to write today, but Mindy is waiting for me so we can do Insanity before the kids wake up from nap. Nap time is not to be squandered in pithy rantings. Fun fact, did you know that Mindy knows the first name of all the back-up fitness participants in the Insanity DVD. I'm beginning to think that this stay at home gig might be a little lonely. And with that realization, I am definitely intensifying my efforts on the repairman case. We shall see if she goes Freon the charges or not... Ok, I'm truly stopping. That was just sad.
Merry Christmas,
Father
Saturday, December 14, 2013
PC or Not PC?
I recently came to the realization that Mike may be more politically correct than I thought. This may shock you, given what he has written on this very blog in the past. However, consider the following examples:
- When Mike's dad first met Carter as a two-month-old, Carter was a cute, chubby baby. Mike's dad affectionately called him a sumo wrestler. Mike told his dad to stop being a racist and just call Carter fat.
- Carter is at the age where he'll do anything to reach a desired object, including throwing himself out of my arms or face planting to the ground, so I like to say he's my little kamikaze baby. Mike immediately responds by saying this is racist, because if Carter were not half-Asian, we would instead call him reckless, adventurous, and strong.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Gobble this up
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Our Thanksgiving was rather mellow. We ordered our "feast" from Marie Callenders, and I would definitely recommend the experience to others. It's just much easier. And what I mean by the last statement, is that it seems much easier, because I really have no idea what it would be like to cook on Thanksgiving. I, like all great American men, like to spend this day giving thanks for football and misogyny. But I did feel much less repressed shame doing nothing - knowing that Mindy was doing less. So that was nice. And of course I did get up off my ass to swoop in for my 10 minutes of glory dissecting an animal. And this turkey carving experience was fantastic. Turns out, we had actually only purchased a turkey breast. I had no idea this was the case when we brought the food home, because the thing easily weighed five pounds. Which really got me thinking that it was a shame that I never got to see this turkey intact. She sounds spectacular. But carving up a turkey breast with no bones really simplifies the procedure. I decided to whittle the meet into replicas of the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria to everybody's delight. Ok, that didn't happen. But I wanted it to.
Mindy's parents brought over a photo album commemorating the life of Mindy. It was really fun to see all the pictures of lil' Mindy. Do you remember a few posts ago when I mentioned that Cameron and Carter looked almost identical as babies? Well, I think we figured out where they get that from. It was uncanny how much baby Mindy looked like Carter. Whatever baby gene Mindy's family has passed down is really, really strong. It doesn't know the bounds of gender. It tramples over whatever weak little Caucasian genes you throw in there. It just dominates. Mindy and I have been meaning to introduce a game where we put up pictures of Cam and Carter at around the same age and challenge y'all to pick out the correct Graves' son. But I think we might need to add one more baby option to this game-show. Now the only thing left to do is to come up with a catchy title for this segment. "Name that Asian" feels it possibly may be offensive. "I know that baby, maybe...?" has a decent ring to it, but I don't want to settle. Feel free to post some ideas in the comment section.
During the Thanksgiving meal, Mindy had a fantastic idea. She asked the table if they would like to share "their biggest regret of the year" along with what they are most thankful for. Because Mindy didn't have to do much cooking this year, I think she subconsciously decided to create a "recipe" for how to create holiday drama. Bringing together relatives into forced intimacy and then springing on them deep questions about things they regret seems like a pretty awesome concoction. It all worked out fine in this situation, because nobody was dumb enough to answer the question with any honesty. But I recommend you try it at home.
Speaking of honest feedback, I think it's about time for Cam to experience some more criticism in his life. He has just gotten way too much praise. Yesterday morning when we were discussing our plans to hang Christmas lights, he asked me "why am I such a good helper?" I said, "Because you're good at figuring stuff out and are fun to hang out with." He said, "And I'm always cute." Too which I laughed and said, "Yes, and very humble." But he didn't get my sarcasm, he just noticed my amusement, nodded with a smirk of self-appreciation and added, "Yes, and I'm also funny." Couple interactions like this with the fact that earlier this week he tried to charge me admission to come cuddle with him at bed time, and I'm thinking we definitely need to knock this little dude down a few pegs. Time to replace nightly affirmation hour with a little "Daddy is playing for real" time. That and a verbal sprinkling of reality that cuts to his little core should do the trick. Don't worry, I learned all of this in graduate school. I'm a professional.
That's all for today. Here are some things to look forward to in future blogs. Carter is in his "strangers aren't sure what gender I am" phase, which has supplied some pretty good moments. Cameron is about to play on his first soccer "team" and it is going to be coached by a good friend. If this situation doesn't provide bloggable moments and opportunities to terrorize my friend, then I don't know what will. And Reilly continues to descend deeper into his postpartum depression. But if he can muster enough energy, he has hinted that he would like to make a return to the blog. We shall see.
Happy Holidays,
Father
Mindy's parents brought over a photo album commemorating the life of Mindy. It was really fun to see all the pictures of lil' Mindy. Do you remember a few posts ago when I mentioned that Cameron and Carter looked almost identical as babies? Well, I think we figured out where they get that from. It was uncanny how much baby Mindy looked like Carter. Whatever baby gene Mindy's family has passed down is really, really strong. It doesn't know the bounds of gender. It tramples over whatever weak little Caucasian genes you throw in there. It just dominates. Mindy and I have been meaning to introduce a game where we put up pictures of Cam and Carter at around the same age and challenge y'all to pick out the correct Graves' son. But I think we might need to add one more baby option to this game-show. Now the only thing left to do is to come up with a catchy title for this segment. "Name that Asian" feels it possibly may be offensive. "I know that baby, maybe...?" has a decent ring to it, but I don't want to settle. Feel free to post some ideas in the comment section.
During the Thanksgiving meal, Mindy had a fantastic idea. She asked the table if they would like to share "their biggest regret of the year" along with what they are most thankful for. Because Mindy didn't have to do much cooking this year, I think she subconsciously decided to create a "recipe" for how to create holiday drama. Bringing together relatives into forced intimacy and then springing on them deep questions about things they regret seems like a pretty awesome concoction. It all worked out fine in this situation, because nobody was dumb enough to answer the question with any honesty. But I recommend you try it at home.
Speaking of honest feedback, I think it's about time for Cam to experience some more criticism in his life. He has just gotten way too much praise. Yesterday morning when we were discussing our plans to hang Christmas lights, he asked me "why am I such a good helper?" I said, "Because you're good at figuring stuff out and are fun to hang out with." He said, "And I'm always cute." Too which I laughed and said, "Yes, and very humble." But he didn't get my sarcasm, he just noticed my amusement, nodded with a smirk of self-appreciation and added, "Yes, and I'm also funny." Couple interactions like this with the fact that earlier this week he tried to charge me admission to come cuddle with him at bed time, and I'm thinking we definitely need to knock this little dude down a few pegs. Time to replace nightly affirmation hour with a little "Daddy is playing for real" time. That and a verbal sprinkling of reality that cuts to his little core should do the trick. Don't worry, I learned all of this in graduate school. I'm a professional.
That's all for today. Here are some things to look forward to in future blogs. Carter is in his "strangers aren't sure what gender I am" phase, which has supplied some pretty good moments. Cameron is about to play on his first soccer "team" and it is going to be coached by a good friend. If this situation doesn't provide bloggable moments and opportunities to terrorize my friend, then I don't know what will. And Reilly continues to descend deeper into his postpartum depression. But if he can muster enough energy, he has hinted that he would like to make a return to the blog. We shall see.
Happy Holidays,
Father
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