Mindy, I thoroughly enjoyed your book review. As a half-breed myself, I related greatly. But that is not what I want to talk about today. I would like to review a book as well. A book that arrived at this house in the mail ealier this week. Allow me to present, “Pat Them Gently” by Melanie Fear-Monger (errr I mean O’Brien).
“When you meet a pet, don’t touch them yet
First, ask ‘please’ and do not tease
Please don’t dare, chase, hit, or scare.
Say a quiet “hello” and be very slow
Softly stroke their fur. They’ll love you for sure if you…
Pat them gently!”
On behalf of dogs everywhere, allow me to retort. Why must humans continue to strike fear in the hearts of their children? I tell you what, I’m far more likely to bite you if you come at me with the ninja-like stealth attack proposed above. And I am not impressed by meaningless human manners or greetings. So you can save your pleasantries for your own phony species. I enjoy to be chased, hit (well slapped rather hard in the face) and scared (unless balloons are involved.) I’m not so sure how I feel about being dared, since nobody has actually approached me with verbal challenges. But I suppose I would enjoy that as well. Finally, I find the punctuation of the last sentence confusing and contradictory. Pat them gently, exclamation point? Huh? Do you want them patting us gently, but with fervor? Idiots.
So, basically everything written in that rag of propaganda is a lie. I get angry just thinking about another generation of humans growing up immersed in the same lies and stereotypes. And I know which one of you sent this to my house. Just know that when you show your face here, it is on. I am going to “unleash” a fury the likes of which your sinuses have never experienced. My fur will rain down on your hypo-allergenic ass. And I double dog dare YOU to approach me the way that your “book” suggests. See what happens then! And that is how you use an exclamation point.
Reilly Dog Out!!!!
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