The response to "The Bloody Show" is simply unacceptable. I need to know the thoughts of the people. Cast your votes people. This is not a one-way street of information. I need feedback. Unless of course I do not agree with what you write, then I will publicly scold you and ban you from subscribing. But seriously, who wants "The Bloody Show"!?!? (notice the exclamation point first, then the question mark. That is how serious I am right now.)
I would now like to respond publicly to those of you who have talked back to Father. First, Anonymous. I like your positive vibes and your idea. A poll broadening the choices is a solid suggestion. However, I would like for you to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough and smart enough to come out in the open and show yourself for who you really are. You don't need to hide behind a veil of Internet anonymity. People will like you, I promise. That's all the confidence building I can do for free, but if you need more, give me a call at the office. For a small fee I can also tell you that your childhood experiences are not your fault.
Now, Mamacita. I want to verbally flog you, but I can't bring myself to do it. Your position is logically sound and I share some of your beliefs. But, you're wrong about "The Bloody Show." I hope that some day you will embrace it.
I would also like to respond to some private feedback I have received. First, I must call out Jane Graves. (And if you don't like being called out publicly, then maybe you shouldn't have told me I'm not good looking enough to be a fire man. I'm just saying.) Readers, I present you with a snippet of an email received from my mother about 15 minutes after I posted:
"What an interesting name on the blog. You do know that when the mom gets close to labor she might lose her mucus plug and it is called a bloody show? Or was that what you were going for?"
My mother also stated that she knew I was being funny, but thought I might just be going for some "British comedy." Well, I'm bloody sorry mom, but your sarcasm detector is at an all-time low. I actually toyed with the idea of mucus plug as a domain name, but thought it lacked the fun of all the dual meanings. On a side note, there is actually quite a debate out there about whether the bloody show and the loss of the mucus plug are the same thing. Please feel free to read this riveting dialogue on the topic from one of the mothering web sites I now frequent: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=487394
Next on my list: Pam. Pam told me that she didn't want to respond because she didn't want to "pick sides." That is no fun and frankly unacceptable. You will pick sides and you'd better pick mine. Otherwise, I just might be inclined to purchase boxes and boxes of Star Wars toys for Tim's birthday this year. I'm not above that.
Well, that's it for now. Sorry if this post rambled on some, but I'm loving this platform. I feel a strange power when I think of all those people who just want baby news and have to sift through this nonsense to attain it. I am sorry if I was hard on anybody today, but you should know that it hurt me more than it hurt you...
Father
P.S. A special shout-out to all of my NorCal subscribers. I hear a groundswell of support is rising there.
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Although I have made my position clear, since you insist on pressing the issue, I must say... isn't this whole thing a little on the nose? I mean, really, I expected much more from a clever, handsome fellow like yourself than choosing the first graphic and bloody birthing related event that you ran across in your parenting blog reading. Might I suggest some other options: "Bigfoot" (hm, or am I the only one whose feet swelled over a size...), "Sexless in the suburbs," "I bury placenta," or my personal favorite "The Blog To Entertain Mike Until Preseason is Over."
ReplyDeleteThe name choices in the poll are all boy names. Do you know it's a boy? Would you call your darling baby daughter Hornet? Think of that omen. Throw up some girl names in that poll: Elvira, Hilda, Pyrat, Gilberta, Fletchia, Freuda, Gestalta, etc.
ReplyDeleteWow. It's amazing how such a routine accomplishment like fertilizing a female egg with your sperm can embolden a man's ego. Kudos, Mr.(Dr.) Graves; you've now accomplished something that all warm-blooded mammals have been doing for eons. The fact that you are now using this "feat" as a platform to voice your bizarre "comedic" rantings is even more pathetic.
ReplyDeleteAs I presume you are reading this and preparing a well-etched out retort sitting in front of your magic glowing box in a loin-cloth, let me offer a 2 pieces of advice. First, now that you've procreated, your next task is to create fire from 2 sticks and some tinder. Second, be sure to delete all of this blog's contents upon the birth of your child. The primary motive? Not embarrassment, though that alone should give you pause. No, more that that, delete this for self-preservation.
Allow me to elucidate. Once your child (male or female, ridiculous name and all) is able to read this, let's conservatively imagine by the age of 6, they will be struck by the stunning epiphany that not only are they a better speller than you already, but that they also possess a more accurate level of self-awareness and understanding of their importance on this earth. I'm sure they'll even point out that the possessive form of the plural proper noun "Graves" is "Graves'", not "Grave's".
Alas, I fear that this forum has already corrupted your sense of perspective and interpersonal relationships, since you followed up your first rant only days after your first by pleading, "I need to know the thoughts of the people" and "I need feedback", which, any armchair shrink understands, really reads, "I need love/validation."
Good luck in your pursuit of an audience to sooth your scarred psyche. While you may believe that I am among this crowd, I simply feel obligated, as a public service, to monitor this website for the sake of your child, its mother, and Reilly.
That is all.
Aaron Mason
(I refuse ro "register" for a site with which I have such moral conflictions.)
p.s. If you're looking for catchy blog titles, how about "From the Cradle to the Graves"?
Dear Aaron,
ReplyDeleteIn pursuit of journalistic integrity, I think you need to do some fact checking. The embarrasing proper noun error (Graves') you reference was committed by Reilly, not myself. Reilly is not happy with this public, unsolicited criticism. Watch your step, my friend. Reilly has a long memory and a "biting" wit.
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ReplyDeleteAir Bear,
ReplyDeleteWTF (Wuff the F*@#) did I ever do to you?
Bring back the Bloody Show!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete