To Catch a Perverted Poet, Part 2

Welcome, boys and girls. What's better on a rainy Saturday morning than a story with Papa? I want you to position yourself criss-cross applesauce in front of your computer monitor. It's time for the children's classic: Come, Let's to Bed. If you will, please picture two very strange-looking children sitting at a table beside an older lady with purple hair and Woody Harrelson's glasses from Natural Born Killers. Below that captivating illustration is the following rhyme:

"Come, let's to bed," says Sleepy Head.
"Wait a while," says Slow.
"Put on the pan," says Greedy Nan.
"We'll eat before we go."

And that's it. WTF?!?! This poem may not be as creepy as my last feature, but it is both nonsensical and offensive at the same time. First, what does any of that mean? I have read that poem about 20 times now and I've got nothing. I've toyed with the idea that there is some much deeper, almost existential, message in those words. Perhaps it's a metaphor for life itself? But then my pondering is interrupted by my son pooping himself, I remember it's target audience, and I return to my initial hypothesis. The poem sucks.

Second, the poem is mean-spirited. Was anybody else drawn to the fact that one of the children was named "slow." That's just cruel. And totally unnecessary. The English language has multiple, fairly common names that rhyme with go. Could the author not think of the name Joe? Or Mo? And it feels like the poem goes out of its way to portray grandparents as selfish. What is the point of calling that old rocker chick greedy? It doesn't tie in to any other aspect of the "plot." All Nana wants to do is make some food for her handicapped grandchild Slow. That seems like a rather selfless act to me.

In the end, I am left to conclude that Come, Let's to Bed is hurtful idiocy. This is a very dangerous combination. It will be expunged from Cameron's library before it infiltrates his psyche. I am going to tear it out of the book and place it face up in my son's diaper. I beg of you all to do the same. A wrong has been righted this day.

You are welcome,
Papa